Judge, 1924-06-07 · page 11 of 37
Judge — June 7, 1924 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "If Brussels Sprout" — A Satire on Keeping Up with the Joneses This humorous story satirizes suburban competitiveness and social one-upmanship. A narrator plants Brussels sprouts at his wife Angela's suggestion. When neighbors discover his exclusive crop, they begin planting their own—including Mrs. Mullins, Rev. Witherbee, Dr. Twinge, Mrs. Simpkins, and the Alvord sisters. Rather than enjoy his horticultural advantage, the narrator spends nights frantically uprooting neighbors' sprout plants to maintain his monopoly. Even when he discovers Dr. Twinge growing sprouts, Twinge casually reveals he was trying to *eliminate* the plant as a pest. The joke targets petty suburban rivalries and the absurdity of competitive status-seeking over trivial matters. The narrator's desperate nighttime sabotage—ultimately pointless—mocks how people exhaust themselves chasing social superiority in their neighborhoods. The final irony (that Twinge considers sprouts a nuisance) deflates the entire competitive enterprise.
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IF BRUSSELS SPROUT Fee 28 now and then Angel used to slip her arms about my neck and ask me if Tdidn’t think there were some- sprouts. ust a little some- . Ladmitted guar “And that empty tennis court looks son ind the tinued one day: and then [saw what Was in for. They sprouted the next week, bless them! at first, that slightly resembled blades of Only four or five random shoots ed, but our own! ine ss—poor thin Phe next day t © Was at rousing patch of them, and we set to work to loosen the them (Mrs. Mullins’ er them well (Dr. ‘Twinge), ground around advice), wi and keep them free of weeds (Rev. Witherbec). They multiplied furiously. “Tdon't think you planted them very straight,” a. “They look a little disc I said nothing, You can't be wsth but went on weeding tic about patiently. vegetables; and besides, the we were coming up so fast now that T could barely keep neck and neck with them. “If it weren't that we're the only ones in the neighborhood with Brussels sprouts, “Now it can be told.” Td be inclined te grunted one da up this s TP uprooted an espe “This one weed cially unruly specimen T said. hold back and replanted itself a dozen Vyve done nothing but pull it up { hung it on the alone.” it up. “has crawl times. the past few days.” fence. That evening Angela discovered that Mrs. Mullins was raising Bru. prouts in her dahlia pateh. We had a council together. Mrs. Mullins, it was decided, a traitor, We had the exclusive Brussels sprouts rights in our vicinity and these were not to be infrin That nig crawled next dos di upon. Hit (you can't blame me) 1 and uprooted) Mrs. Mallins’ Brussels sprouts and) the next morning the patch behind the tennis court numbered one more. When I ome from the office T found two ‘The weeds made a final stand. came orderly Tittle rows of them shouldering up through the dirt. I pulled. thirty. Cight of them, all alike, and hung them on the fence. The following day that the Rey. Witherh Mrs. Simpkins, Angela reported ald Mr. Float, ad the Alvord. sisters were all of them raising Brussels sprouts. It took me till midnight, but morning dawned we reigned when gain) the 9 sole Brussels sprout) entrepreneurs for blocks T discovered the next traitor myself Tt was Dr. Twinge. and the offending in the midst of his plant was growing roses I suppose T should have waited till dark, but my blood was up, and T str into his garden without ado. My fing 1 Theard his hail and then turned to face him with the plant ino my hand Were on the sprout wl T gave a furious tug miled cordially. uy th “Tye been ting to get rid of that crab You o it out of your own garder rks.” he said me: IVS a regular pest. ht to weed . added, hefore glancing toward the tennis court, it chokes out your Brussels sprout Cc The Traffic Cop at Home T[ os Heeeis is a trafic cop Upon the busy Avenue, And when he signals go or stop— You do. ‘Tim Huggins. you would freely bet, Was never frightened in his life, But that’s because you haven't met His wit ~ comicbooks.com ——