Judge, 1924-05-03 · page 18 of 36
Judge — May 3, 1924 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"Love's Pentathlon"** is a humorous poem by Raymond Barrett about courtship. It catalogs five athletic activities where the narrator's romantic interest performs poorly—terrible golf, weak tennis, awkward swimming, poor horsemanship, bad fishing—yet each incompetence charms him because of her physical attractiveness ("following her curves," tumbling into his arms). The satire mocks shallow male attraction: her actual skills are irrelevant compared to her appearance and femininity. **The car cartoon** is a simple joke: a gatekeeper demands a dollar toll; a driver who's had car trouble agrees to sell the car itself for a dollar rather than pay the toll—suggesting the vehicle is worthless after breaking down repeatedly. **"Card of Thanks"** by William Sanford satirizes direct-mail marketing. He praises the one advertiser who includes a return stamp, not from gratitude but because he steals the stamp, discards the junk mail unread, and profits from the "gift." The closing line suggests even the archangel Gabriel couldn't get away with this shameless behavior today.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Love's PENTATHLON I TOOK her for a round of golf Her lowest hole was nine: But when she drove wainst the wind, She showed a form divine. T took her on the tennis courts Her game was a disgra But every time she smile at me, She scored an easy ace, T took her for a morning swim Her floundering But what complet ked my nerves: Iv qu Was following her curves. 1 my heart I took her for a horseback ride Her horsemanship was nil; But when she tumbled in my arms, T wondered at her skill. T took her out to fish for trout Her casting was a fright; But though her er: She made her el held ne‘er a fish, sh all right. Raymonp Barrerr. Gatekeeper—Hold on there, feller!’ A dollar for that car! Driver (having had much trouble on the road)—Sold! Carp ov THANKS Taree is one fellow T always like. He is the chap who sends out circulars and pamphlets deal- ing with special and very wonder- ful offers in books and other articles at special and very won- derful prices, and always places a two-cent stamp on the printed reply envelope. This exhibits a thoughtfulness: and kindly instinet that, T never fail Lo appreciate. He is the one man in all this world who provides me with something for nothing. T carefully remove the amp from the envelope and then throw the envelope together with the wen derful and very special offers into the wastet [ feel sure that th wonderful and very special, although L never read them. Fors The joy of getting something for noth is certainly appre \ ciated. ‘To all who have sent me wonderful and very special offers and placed a stamp on the return | envelope L take this means. of es | extending my sincere thanks. Their thoughtfulness has. indeed heen appreciated. If Gabriel did it to-day. WILLIAM Sanvorp. comicbooks.com