Judge — December 22, 1923 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TOLD AT THE 19th HOLE by Walter Trumbull HE INVETERATE golfer was being I shown through the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in New York City. For an hour he had been ing with awe at lofty pillars, colorful glass and soft- lighted chapels. Then he came to the choir parapet in niches of which are figures to represent outstanding characters of the Christian centuries. The last figure is that of Abraham Lincoln. For a minute the golfer stood looking at the silent, im- mobile statue of the Emancipator. When at length he spoke his voice was filled with earnest tribute: “At the nineteenth hole and not a word to say. A great man that. A great man.” + * «* The duffer’s golf forces consist mainly of replacements. * * * Golf is an aggravating game, And never need you doubt it. Golf's useless quite, but all the same We could not do without it * * * Most golf courses are trapped with special assessments. tot A CYCLONE passed 4 Louisiana through a_ small town and caused con- siderable loss of life and property. For weeks afterward the appearance of a black cloud alarmed everyone. An old fellow, with a rather dry brand of humor, observed a fellow-townsman watching the sky one day, and reassured him as follows. “Don't worry about another cyclone. There won't be none. I bin doin’ a lot of prowlin’ around here lately, observin’ and askin’ questions. I guess I’ve talked to about all the folks in this town, and over there at Tioga. T've had a word or two with some of these farmers too. I've got about everybody's opinion that’s worth anything. No sir, no more cy- clones around here. Public opinion’s agin “em.” Rvstes Joussos was the fastest Ford driver in or around Brow! ville. Ao friend asked him one day how it was that nobody had ever taken his number as he sped through the neighboring country towns. “Well, what qualifications have you as a caddy?” “I'm the biggest liar in town.” “Well, sah,” keerful driver. That’s why ful! How do you mean, careful?” se very keerful,” explained Rastus, » my license numbers all blacked “Tse a said Rastus, Ballades of a Dub We Need No Caddies When We Play by ALN. C. Fowler IME was I wouldn't go around And lug my clubs without demur; Were there no caddies on the ground ‘Then was I hot as Lucifer; But then, of course, I'd not met Her Who is my blended night and day Of rose and violet and myrrh We-need no caddies when we play. Lost ball? Who cares if it be found? Not we, with Love to minister On all we seek; not we who're crowned With joys to make our pulses stir As ev'ry breath the gossamer W ders spin. Lost ball? Why, say, That's what we're hoping will occur We need no caddies when we play. We lose ourselves behind some mound Whose grass is free of stone and burr And let our eager heart-beats pound The old, old story out as per The method used since Jupiter ‘Taught men the love they must obey When Cupid's wings around them whir— We need no caddies when we play. L'Envoi Young Eros, I salute you, sir, And at your feet my tribute 1 I tote both bags, you may in We need no caddies when we play. soe HE HECKLERS were many and active— but the lecturer lectured on. He was undaunted—although he certainly found it hard going. y, however, he halted, gazed around the hall and cleared patient his throat. “TIL just digress for a second,” he said, “to inform the persons who are interrupting me that instead of confusing me they succeed only in egging me on.” Then the voice spoke. “Well—if that’s so,” it said, “it’s about time they changed tactics and started egging you off!” Duffer (as caddy yawns)—Pardon me—my mistake! M4 comicbooks.com