Judge — December 22, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL JUDGE, pays 810 wer kbs for te beat story anh VM Pteane: came home one evening, and AVE told his wife about meeting an old friend during the day. “And he said he knew me when I was a little girl?” No, Edith,” replied Metcalf, didn’t say anything of the kind.” “he * said Mrs. Metcalf, “you just said he did.” “No, Edith, Tdidn’t. What I said was that he said he knew you when he was alittle boy.” This was rather brutal, but Metcalf was smoking a Christmas gift from his wife. Second Prize A BATTALION was on one of its big parades in a city. After the usual inspection before a parade the colonel ve the order to march. The band struck up a lively air and the battalion moved on gallantly. but a. trombone player on the left of the front rank stood still. causing the band to cease pla The colonel, riding up to the man ex- claimed furiously: “Move on, man; move on. What on earth are you stopping for? Don’t you know that the parade has be- gun?” “Be aisy, sor; be “Lve got fifteen bars Rad A PROMINENT farmer is fond of telling £% this story: “Not long ago I went to town and while there, met a young fellow whom I had previously hired as a farm hand. He was ‘green’ and rather coarse grained, but there was a some- thing about him which I really admired. His rough, unlettered speech had a tinge of humor to it. So I got him to spend the evening with me. “We got home rather late and as the wife was not feeling well, I persuaded her not to go to any extra trouble, but to arrange matters as though I had been alone. T would sit at the table and keep him company while he ate, as [ wasn't hungry. said the man, “He wasn't a bit bashful, but once during our conversation I saw him glance at a dish of fried furtively. Noticing this, I ‘Dowt be afraid of those am. Help yourself. “Well” he replicd, as he eyed the dish critically, ‘there ain't there to scare anybody potatoes remarkec potatoes, enough tte A CoupLE of the many tourists passing through Georgia on their way to whose Seeing Florida came across a road of destination they were uncertain an old colored woman rocking on a near- by porch, they called to her. “Auntie, can you tell us where this road goe: She gazed thoughtfully at the winding country road, and took her pipe out of her mouth long enough to enlighten them. “Well, Honey.” she said, “hit goes fust one place and then another.” ae New Yorker, — visiting friends, was lamenting leavi home two beautiful daughters who were just budding into womanhood. ‘Turning to a man to whom he had just been in- troduced, he asked if he had any family. “Yes, [have a wife and six children in Australia. And I saw them,” he added, quietly The two sat in silence. interrogation began. Ve ‘ou ever blind, may Task?” said the American. ‘o.” was the reply. Did you marry a widow?” “Ne Another silence. “Did T understand you to say you had a wife and six children living in Australia and / JL never one of Then the had never seen one of them?” “Yes, that is how [ stated it Then the American inquired. “How ean that be? You say you never saw one of them. [do not understand it at was the reply, “one of them was born after I left.” tet WE wren ont for a ik I. when we eame across a farmhouse quietly burning up. As the old) man standing on the front stoop was quite oblivious to the smoke and flames pe ously behind him, T quite naturally calle out, “Hey, Mister, your house is on fire.” ‘The old man did not scem to have heard me, the dog a however, so T repeated the news lustily, my dog barking along co-opera- tively. “How's that?” answered placing his hand) behind looking rather puzzle “Your house is on fi- ina voice that o: the dead “Ts there perturt the farmer, his ear and .” T said again tht to have awakened anything else?” was his im- ble reply. . aid, “that’s all Lean think of just ne NOW YOU TELL ONE Russian commercial travelers coming down the Siberian steppes. comicbooks.com