Judge — December 15, 1923 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

tT was the night before Christmas. I We were sitting at the open fireplace watching the merry faces in the flames of the yule logs that crackled on the andirons. Our empty — stocking borrowed from one of our stoutest female friends—swung idly from the mantel- shelf. On the one hand, within easy reach, stood our wassail bowl; on the Russian wolf- Lenine and Trotsky. We were : with the world and in our childish » wishing that there might in ; anta Claus when on the clear, crisp air was borne to us the merry jingle of sleigh bells. Ever nearer they came and then a great stamping of hoofs on the roof overhead and suddenly the fire went black out, the yule logs disappeared as if by mag id down the chimney came Saint Nick in person with a neatly in- scribed placard pinned to his chest which read: “This is not a moving picture.” We were dumb-belled with astonish- ment, and not till we had rubbed his face and found no grease paint did we believe that this was not George Fawcett in dis- guise, come to play us a prank. “Well, old G. B.S. of the Silver Sheet,” was his greeting, “I just popped in on you for help.” We were abashed. We had thought he had come to make us rich with gifts. “Help?” we hissed as best we could with so unhissable’a word. “If anybody needs help any more than we do, he must be sitting ragged on the curbstone.” “The moving picture them, at least, are lower Come,tell me what the You know them better than L.” id he. “Oh,” said we understandingly. “Meb- be you're right.” So springing nimbly to our Regals we paced the old feudal hall in deep thought. Firstly,” said we, remembering the pictures we had most recently seen, “Give Anna Q. Isson her queue.” He looked “Her hair,” we ex- plained. ne’s just made a_ picture called *Ponjola,’ in which she played a man’s part. We didn’t like it. And pin a note to the hair telling her that while we may not be certain that a other crouched our two hound. ple, some of wn than that. eed forChristmas. The effect of the movies on a Christmas dream. PUTTING THE HOLLY IN HOLLYWOOD by George Mitchell woman's place is in the home we are reasonably sure that it’s not in a man’s trousers. It spoiled *Ponjola’ for though, at that, ‘Ponjola’ doesn’t need much spoiling. By that we mean that its bad enough. . . . Bill Hart, whom we just seen in ‘Wild Bill) Hickok,” needs another pair of arms. Think of what Bill could do with two more shootin’ irons! If he could clean up a whole town as he does in this picture with two guns, he could easily clean up the European situation with four. Tell Bill in a attached to the new arms that he mustn't leave the screen again. We men can't get along without the quickening he puts into our pulses. “Buster Keaton needs longer scenarios. The ‘Balloonatic’ is too short, as are most of Buster's films. He's too funny to be stingy. 1e Balloonatic’ is one of the best things he has done. It’s full of ridiculous situations. We laughed our head off at him, but the story's too slight. Get some of your Christmas tree elves to rip him off a good six-reel comedy that will put him in the class with Chaplin and Lloyd, where he belongs. “As for the rest. of Filmdom, fill up their stockings with smaller and better stories. Don't give them any more That's what's ruining them. them use their brains instead. Don't laugh! They have brains.. That is, a lot of them have, but it’s so much easier to spend money on big sets and costly costumes and large mobs than it is to think. And please don’t give the directors any more me That's what makes pictures big. “Once a director gets a megaphone in his hand, he wants to try it out on a mob; so he orders up a thousand ‘extras’ and makes a French Revolution picture. Please, for Christmas’ sake, don’t put any Dantons or Robespierres in anybody's stocking. We humans can stand just so much. And please, Mister Santa Claus, if you have more Northwestern Mounted stories give them to the little children on some other planct. Every time we see a snowflake fall, the peaceful- ness of the scene is marred for us } consciousness that Earle Williams is 20 going to pop out from behind a tree, flash an Irish smile at us and take us up r. story for himself Something The Kid? He's grown sleck and smug with success. Put a good story in his sock and a flea in his ear. You needit worry about Mary Pickford, We can’t think of a thing she hasn't got. If you can, you're a better man than we are and a more severe critic. “Give Norma Talmadge and Corinne Griffith anything you can think of that will make ‘them more perfect examples of the feminine sex. We dont know what it is. If you can think of it tie a little card to it and write our name on it Id: ‘With Love.” tive James Cruze a laurel sprig for his direction of two of the best pictures of the fhe Covered Wagon’ and ‘Holly J and put a medal in Chap- lin’s sock for “A Woman of Paris.’ Give Lloyd two or three dozen plots. He doesn’t need them, but we don't want to think he might run short, and he can’t make too many pictures to please us. © Tommy Meighan a picture that exert his histrionism to greater » Barthelmess Tolable David.’ been pawning will flights than smiling. ¢ something as good ¢ He needs it. Somebody off seconds on him. ive Ray another “The Girl [ Loved.” Give Gloria Swan- son a million hats—she knows how to wear ‘em. Hope Hampton doesn’t need anything now that she’s got her own Santa Claus. And give all and every- body our best wishes for a grand and glorious Christmas We were quite exhausted from this flow of brilliant oratory and paused to snatch a breath of ozone. The little fellow had been making notes, smiling merrily at our es twinkled : “What do you nt for yourself? “Oh, us?” said we, dropping our eyes modestly, as is our nature. “Give us the courage to see all the pictures it is, at times, our painful duty to see.” He made a final note, turned on his O'Sullivan and was off in a cloud of hokum. comicbooks.com