Judge — November 24, 1923 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bgl Ode | TOLD AT THE 19th HOLE by Walter Trumbull . Woodland Golf Club, Auburndale, Boston, Mass. THOUGHT the For he had swatted it. He said, “I sure hit that one clean; A thing you must admit.” They only grinned, for they had seen The ball dive in the pit. ball was on the He used up every swear word that He had at his command; He clambered down and went to bat His niblick in his hand; He swung; but still the golf ball sat, Embedded in the sand. That he emitted yell on yell, Each witness now contends; He started in to di: Till captured by his friends And fitted with a padded cell. is here this story ends. * * * Jackie Coogan and Stanislaus Zbyszko are getting almost old enough to take up golf. A few golf clubs now have women pro- fessionals. They are not, however, the same ladies who have their pictures taken for magazines, in high heeled shoes and taking a full swing with a putter. * * * One advantage that playing golf in a bunker has over baseball’ is that they can't call you out after the third strike. + * * A CAPITAL club for the average dub Is a niblick, we insist; He can take a sock at a hidden rock And me unjoint his wrist; He can dig and pound at the helpless ground, Nor injure the shaft at a And if the blade is as wide He even may hit the ball. a spade An eye specialist. declares that green quiets the nerves. We wonder if he ever took more than four on a putting green? When practicing the stunt of driving a golf ball off a watch, it is well enough to use your own golf ball, but borrow the watch. As a general thing 150 yards down the fairway is more valuable than 250 yards out of bounds + * « It is absolutely weird how seldom the loser ever is on his game. + * * To drive, your drive the ball hi go back slowly. ‘To find oto where you are sure d then go back slowly. + * * I wish that my driver could speak, And Pd like to have words with my cleck. I'd ask them why they Should behave in this way, And I'd then toss them both in the creek. + * * Houdini can get out of a strait-jacket, but we'd like to see him get out of the rough at some of these golf courses. * *# +* \ pessimist is a man who uses a floater every time the weather man predicts rain. . +* * The four s golfball, asons may be named as the fishball, mothball and snowball. a || The Sunday golfish with the balky auto suddenly changes his plans. 14 Ballades of a Dub I Hope the Stymie Bob's in Jail N.C. Fowler Mot eels no ingratitude | ino yen to wish men‘ill, ! I nourish no vindictive mood Toward any Thomas, Dick or Bill, However much an imbecile, Yet there’s one guy I cannot fail To wish to slaughter, lynch and kill— L hope the stymie boob’s in jail. by A. A skate must own a mind so crude That it is practically nil With neither depth nor latitude When stymie rules he can instill Into the game of golf until A duffer can’t make head or tail Of tricks few experts can fulfill— T hope the stymie boobs in jail. No use with glee to be imbued When you have pitched your faithful pill So dead that it has nearly wooed The waiting cup’s expectant sill— You're stymied; it’s not possible, For such a shot would be a whale That's not pulled off by Jack or Jill— T hope the stymie boobs in jail. D’Envoi I fear the game must slide down hill With rules to make us players rail When we discuss them in the grill— I hope the stymie boob’s in jail. se Golf Helps at Home A Series of Simple Exercises by Fairfar Downey J Move left foot one step forward. Balance. Move right foot. fo ward. Repeat slowly. Exercise patience Splendid for those going around ihe course behind a low-geared foursome. In count of One, twist right wrist. Two, crook right elbow. THREE, raise right arm. Four, bend neck backward | and swallow. Assures bogey for the nine- teenth hole. 3. Inhale deeply. Roll eyes. | Turn purple. Set teeth. Exhale with hissing sound. Don't say it. Recommended for explosive players who dub a stroke during match with lady or minister. 4. Lift. eyebrows. Curl upper lip. Place hands on hips, with feet wide apart. Register pity and disgust for stupidit Helpful to a player whose caddy loxes ball muscles in a position of death- like rigidity. Fold eyelids back firmly to prevent their flickering. Do not so much as breathe. Hold pose for five minutes. Invaluable cise for those inclined to be fidgety while on the putting green with a fussy opponent. 6. Hop alternately on right and left foot. Emit cries of joy. Then relax rapid. Assume an expression of mixed nonchalanee and defiance. For a man who makes a hole in one and wants it under- stood that luck: had little, if anything, to do with it. comicbooks.com