Judge — November 24, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story sub- titted for this page, and 85 for the accond best. All others at regular rates.” Original, unpub: lished humorous stories only are wanted. Ad- drese “Stories to Tell Editor,” Judge, 627 West 43d Street, New York City Second Prize r. Spinks took his son to see the animals at the The young- ster asked: “Is it true, papa, that orang- outangs cannot endure our climate?” “They endure it perfectly, my son was the reply, “but they have to be stuf first.” tae I urtNG military rule in Oklahoma many jokes have been passed regard- i ions by both Governor Walton and The governor had forbidden the wearing of masks when September 10 rolled around and the sun was due for an eclipse. On the evening of the ninth several members of a club were discussing the eclipse when they were informed that the eclipse had been called off. One of the local wags volunteered the informa- tion. vernor Walton has refused to allow the sun to hide its face,” he said. tat M*: Ives accompanied his wife on a LYE Shopping expedition and had seated himself at one end of the coat department while Mrs. Ives was looking over the gar- ments, Suddenly, he became aware of the fact. that his wife was not to be seen, Walking up to the floorwalker, he said: I can’t locate my wife anywhere. What shall I do “Just start talking to one of the pretty saleswomen here and I think your wife will soon put in an appearance.” Ree “T : to be close-fisted when you're running for office,” says a prominent Middle Western politican. “One time a tight-wad Scotchman in our county decided to run for the legislature. His friends urged him to spend a little money but Sandy consistently refused up to the night before clection when he gave in to the extent of buying and dis- tributing a bale or so of the cheapest cigars he could find—poisonous ropes, all of them. Election morning, Sandy saun- tered down to the polls to see how things were going. He was met by a group of his workers. “Well, boy: or losin “*You're gone,’ replied one of the workers mournfully. “What's the matter?’ asked Sandy. “All your friends who took your cigars last night are sick in bed to-day!” toe T DOESN'T said Sandy, ‘am T winnin’ WomaN author was on a ssissippi River steamboat bound South in search of local color for her forth- comihg novel, the scene of which was to be laid somewhere South of Mason’s and re First Priz WwW a rare gift it is to have the sporting spirit combined with a culture which is polite even in the most trying circumstances. Boggs, who was in quest of a Thanksgiving dinner, was distracted from the pursuit by a bullet which tore through the top of his hat. “Hey,” he yelled to the hunter who had fired the shot and who Dixon’s line. She was extremely anxious to study the type of shiftless white known as the “Cr: and she asked the cap- tain to point one out at the first oppor- tunity. To which he gave a grudging assent. One and, taking his pipe from his mouth, deliberately pointed with its stem toward the shore some 200 yards or more distant. v Rector — Willie, you have many things to be thankful for on this beau- tiful Thanksgiving Day. Willie—Yes, sir. “What to you is the greatest?” “Prohibition. I have made enough money from dad, picking dandelions, elderberries, apples and grapes, to buy a wireless set.” 11 emerged from a clump of brush, “watch where you're shooting!” “Oh pardon me,” apologized the ‘LT mistook you for some one says he, “d'ye see that there black thing over there on that sand ? That’s either a stump er a Cracker, fishin’. You watch it now fer "bout half an hour an’ ef it moves, w’y you'll know it’s a stump.” toto rs. SKIGGS was enumerating her various ailments. “I ent kept track of ‘em all,” she said, “but one of the first things I had was the lumbago in the small of my back. ‘Then I had the influency awful bad. ‘The next thing was the rheumaties. Since then I've had neuralgy, nervous headache, sore throat, indigestion, a breaking out on my skin, and ever so many other pesky little troubles that I can’t remembe “It would be an interesting list,” said her sympathetic neighbor. “Why didn’t you take an inventory “Tm not certain but what I did,” answered Mrs. Skiggs. “I took ever so many things. Til try if you think it'd help me, but unless it’s very mild I just know it won't stay on my stummick.” SAS A Scaxornavias in North Dakota took out a membership in the farm bureau. About six months later the Department of Agriculture, at’ Washing- ton, received the following letter from him: “T bane sign up for your farm bureau. Not yet received it.” Marm she have want board at our house and wife wants bureau for spare bedroom. not send it yet? ‘Tell me.” He received the reply: Dear Sir: Yours of inst. to hand and beg to say, that we have no bureaus in Washington that we can send out at the present time. “AL Farm Bloc,” and as soon as we lay our hands on it, we will have it sawed up, made into a farm bureau and sent te you. For why you letter in following However, we have an