Judge, 1923-09-29 · page 4 of 36
Judge — September 29, 1923 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis This page from *Judge* magazine contains two distinct satirical pieces: **"The Compleat Umpire"** (top right) is a humorous poem by Cyril B. Egan describing the ideal baseball umpire—someone with unwavering judgment, emotional control, and integrity. The poem satirizes umpires by listing contradictory or impossible virtues ("a man of two-ply leather skin, / Of rubber dome and iron shin"), mocking their authority and the demands placed on them. **The two cartoons** illustrate baseball and horseback-riding scenarios with accompanying dialogue. The bottom cartoon "Fair Equestrienne" shows a rider thrown from a horse, humorously requesting better treatment for the animal rather than for herself—satirizing excessive concern for animal welfare or perhaps feminine delicacy. The middle section contains brief conversational snippets between unnamed characters discussing writers, personalities, and entertainment—typical *Judge* filler humor of its era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Compleat Umpire by Cyril B. Egan T ‘o BE AN Umpire, one should be A man of rare veracity. A gump who so far falls for truth, He'd ruthless call a strike on Ruth. A _gink who scorns the hooting mob, Who only thinks to do his job. A man of two-ply leather skin, Of rubber dome and iron shin, With temper mild, a voice like thunder— An eagle eye that cannot blunder. To be an Umpire, one should be A man of proper piety. At night an Ump should say his prayers, Lest he be taken unawares. Should snatch a page, while time is ( te flying. ‘ F F “Hol Living—Hot Dying.” Skeptical Neighbor—I suppose you think Coolidge is going to do a lot for Brom" Holy Taving—Holy Dying. the country, eh, captain? Coolidge Fan—Goin’ to! Wall, mebbe it’s on’y coincidence—mind, I says | mebbe—but I notice he hadn't been on th’ job more’n a week afore my rheu- don, At mom his Umpire suit should matiz let up somethin’ wonderful! Author—(musing)—You remember the saying, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women in it merely players”? Movie Star—Say, now, that’s good! Who wrote it? That title writer over in the Goldfinch studios? ae egfeld says he looks for personality Tipp—Since becoming successful, he doesn’t recall any of his old friends. Topp—That's nothing. He doesn’t even recognize his own faults! se A thing of beauty is a joy till the bill- board comes. te His somber uniform put on. Prepared alway for pop-eyed ferment— All arrayed for prompt interment! ery Sideshow Manager—The whirling der- vish threatens to leave us flat. Barker—Well, you know what onc- man tops are. wt tt “By golly,” said the stranger who in picking out his girls. That's more than Ske—Do you always think of me? arri ‘small town on the Mississippi the public looks for in girls he has picked He—Once I forgot, when I was at the River, “you got a mighty big river here out. Fair Equestrienne—Oh, Lord! better nature! baseball game. 2 2 for such a small town.” I don’t ask anything for myself, but please give this horse a comicbooks.com