Judge — September 15, 1923 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL unt Sanry, the old negress who had ’ with the family ever the grown daughters had “chilPun,” eyed with mistrust the new fad for long dresses that had at last reached the village. “Do you think this dress is too long, Aunt Sally?” asked the youngest: daug ter, who adopted the — late modes. “Naw sum, it 1 Aunt all de seed you befo size an de shape. YEARS Soe WY our bigs unfit. to > in, let after even the mildest Sverybody complained. plained to an ine ble optimist. “Oh, I ‘ood long bath,” said the optimist. “When the water is like that it is the best thing in the world to: bathe in. So medicinal, you know. Better than) Homburg or Marienbad or any of those places.” “But it’s so muddy, other. “That's just 2d been since now been always hain’t too long.” an- ally, “but it t'won't do no round heah all knows de enlemens an? dey » water in one of used to ome alone to drink, kind of storm. One man com- said the the point.” re sumed the other. “Its medicinal mud, full of all of phos phates and things. To-night when you get home fill your bath, jump in and splash about; and after- ward just stand before the radi ator and Jet the water dry on your body. Then brush it) off with a whisk broom.” ee BSENT-MINDED Professor LY Psmith had left his berth in the sleeper to find a drink of ice water and was hopelessly lost in the middle of the aisle. It about midnight and the train was speeding through the country. “Don't you remember the number of your berth?” asked the conductor. “Pm—er—afraid not,” was the reply. “Well, where it w was haven't you any idea itened_ percep- I did notice at one time this afternoon that the windows looked out upon a little lake!” tt N A COUNTRY community near Kansas City, Mo. before the Civil, War, a’ politician drove Tie exasperaren salesman was trying his best to explain the merits of his line to the rather disinterested customer. “In the first place, Mr. Simple, our line has the most remarkable, teresting ~~ most ine “Excuse me a Simple, as he telephone. At the end of two minutes Mr. Simple sup and again gave his attention salesman. Mr. his said answer minute,” turned to “It is the remarkable qualities of our product that I wish to call to. your attention, Now, you take the matter of “Brer-r-r-r!” Mr. Simple answered his telephone once mor the end of two min- utes he i turned to. the salesman and waited for the climax to the sales talk. he salesman, however, had been interrupted once too often. is this, a prize fight?” he yelled ivery time I get started, the bell announces the end of the round. Im through. Good-by, Mr. Dempsey!” was his parting cry as the door slammed behind him, around a bu and made political At the close of one speech he said: “LT have always remembered and obeyed and to this day, before [ retire, E always kneel and say my prayers. If Tam the ‘Lord's Pray my mother’s admonitions, too drunk T say, ‘Now to say I lay me down to sleep’! OUR MODERN ART “The man with the gloves” 3 N A scnoon for backward children at Cleveland, O., two little girls were asking another little girl why she had been absent from school the day be She replied: “L was taking’ t) amination to be an idiot and faile I Ree THE pays when the clipper ships were the pride of the seas there was a little fishing schooner off the Grand Banks of Newfoundland. The weather foggy. All ot a sudden a dark object loomed up. A deep, rough voice hailed) them: his is the good ship Mongolia from Hong Kong, a hundred and ten days What ship is that?” The schooner’s captain replied in a squeaky little voice, “Sallie Haskins, Portland, Me., out all night!” was out. s, QYVERYTHING was wrong in the 4 class of —clocution. © The r was discouraged, and he ed his pupils, in some excite- ment, to put more expression into their recitations. “Too flat!” he exclaime colorless! You can do than that. Try in. Open your mouth and yourself into it!” better Now! throw tot “G' ap to see that you have accepted that sonnet of mine,” the poct said, feverishly pushing back his long hair. “Hope it will be widely read.’ y about that,” editor, cheerfully, “Uve placed it next to one of our most striking ads.” “sno doubt comicbooks.com