Judge — August 11, 1923 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Edwin Levick Shawnee Golf Club, Shawnee-on-Delaware, Pa. TOLD AT THE 19th HOLE by Walter Trumbull How to be a Golfer us is an address to non-golfers. [ Sveryone should learn to play golf, because if you do not. play you have to stick around alone on Satur- days, Sundays and holidays and on all other days you have to listen to your friends talk golf without ng a chance to get into the conversation. Besides golf keeps you out in the open tourna- ments. We propose to tell you how to go about becoming a golfer. First. go to some friend who belongs to a golf club and ask him to put you up for membership. He will tell you that there is a long waiting list, but that he will use his influence with the committee. That night or the next morning you will re notice of your election with a note asking whether you wish to pay $1,000 all at once or pay so much a week as long as you live and the interest. charged There will be practically no other expenses connected with the club itself, outside of dues, house charges, con- tributions and. special assessments, for the purpose of paying last year’s deficit and buying new ash trays to match the curtains in the women’s quarters. Next come the implements of the ne. Stand for a moment before : window where golf goods are dis- do and a salesman will come out and lead you inside. You may be- come enthusiastic and wish to buy a lot of clubs, but he will assure you that a dozen are enough to start with and that you can get the others later. The three niblicks, with different length handles, will be especially useful. These clubs shouldn’t cost over six dollars each, Then he will sell you one golf bag made of leather and studded with brass and an attachment for making it stand ga GOLF AS A CURE FOR NERVOUSNESS upright when left unguarded; one pair of white shoes; one pair of russet shoes, with one inch soles; a collection of golf socks, quietly designed in greens and reds; one pair of flannel trousers; one pair of doeskin trousers; several shirts; a canary colored sweater; neckties to match the socks; a ¢: a white duck hat; a box of patent tees; a golf pipe; r of golf gloves; a machine for ng driving; an indoor putting a rubber ¢ which can be carried in’ the and a dozen golf balls. He will try to sell you a_knickerbocker suit and some stockings, but will desist when you tell him indignantly that you put on long pants when you were twelve years old. He knows that you will be back for those things later, so there is no use in wasting ener The next thing to do is to arrange to have a moving van take your purch to the club. ow arrange for the sale of your house. This will enable you to pay something on account and, any- how, you will live on the course, All beginners do. You are ready by this time actually to begin the game. Make a date with the professional. First he will examine your clubs. Then he will tell you that they are no good and will sell you another Finally he will take you to a re- mote corner of the course—where they care nothing for the turf—and watch you swing. You will learn that by taking ninety-six lessons you have a chance to become a champion. After you become so proficient. that you can play the course in four hours and 154 strokes you will hurry in to explain what you would have ‘done if you had not been off your game. By this time you will be wearing knicker- bockers and have a pet golf club, seven- teen pet theories, a family to which you are a stranger and a petition in bank- ruptey. But, you will be a golfer! ~ * I" REALLY should be easy to play golf. There are only against your estate. It may be a slight shock when you thought you were joining a golf club to find that you are buying one, but they will explain to you that the money goes for a bond which may be sold at any time and before they have finished youwill feel that you really are getting a huge estate in the country for a mere pittance. You will about 365 things to remember. That only averages one for each day. It looks like a simple matter. The only difficulty is that you have to remember them all at the same instant every time you try to hit a ball. When you fail to hit a ball you stop and wonder which of the 365 things you have forgotten. It usually takes a year to find out. In leap also understand about the waiting list. It is a list of those waiting to raise the money. an insurance TREATMENT THIS WEEK, $50—TOTAL EXPENSE TO DATE, $2,706 He is approached by agent, who warns him of the possibility of— his accidentally injur- ing or even killing some player (cheerful thought!) 14 So he takes out a lia- é bility policy for $10. {0 work with. 000, which cost $59. (Nervous twitching.) year, of course, you have that extra day That’s anotherthing to remember, comicbooks.com