Judge — July 21, 1923 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE IMPOSSIBLE JONES co E NAILS me when I'm sipping man of figures, Jones; “Great Caesar, why asting precious bones? for the not stop this w I've seen you throwing in the jui nearly tw s; oh, what’ profit, what e of drinking kick less beers? “You purchase fourteen drinks a day, at half a dime a throw; had you but put that coin away, you'd have a stack of dough. You'd have some nineteen hundred beans if you had saved like that, and you might own two limousines and eke a stovepipe hat. Here, let us sit down on the beach and figure up this sum; now, fourteen drinks at five cents each—how does the total come?” “Dad burn your totals and your sums,” I thunder, in my ire, “you make me gnash my toothless gums, More than a match. by Walt Mason and all my works you tire. You're always chasing at my heels, you poor, besotted knave, to tell me just how many wheels I'd have if I would save. All luxuries I should eschew, all joys I should outflank, that I might save a buck or two and put them in the bank. And when I'd saved a thousand bones, a healthy heap of dust, I tell you, James Augustus Jones, the blamed old bank would bust. The coin I spend for useless things gives comfort to my soul, but it would break my heart, by jings, to save, then lose my roll.” B" NOTHING daunts a man like Jones, on helpful errands bent; he calls me down in bitter tones whene’er I spend a cent. He has a pencil in his hand, he figures on the fence, and tries to make me understand that I am lack- ing sense. He also has a paper pad, 18 asm are affor “par basis knoy cam sugg pay quic pliec De we didn shoe men wrot too and diagrams he draws, to show that A every wasted scad is hard on virtue’s had cause. ver) “T see you’ve bought a new cigar,” stre he says, with nerve sublime, “a torch cam that smells like burning tar, yet cost T you half a dime. I am informed you | and daily buy a dozen of such weeds; i nere you had put the money by | hoo twelve hundred seeds. the bucks, I figure out, T venty years, for smokes that put your plies friends to rout, and move the town to wro! tears. With such a princel friend, what good I could achieve! A make the widow's sorrows end, the heathen cease to grieve. And you have inte naught to show, I ween, for all that emp money blown, except a lot of nicotine in ing. every thew and bone; except a case of quer cabbage heart, and organs out of whack, don’ (Continued on page 27) She comicbooks.com