Judge — June 2, 1923 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Armchair Patriot—I know there’s lots of knocking going on, but I want $e jac to tell you I consider this Government of ours the best run on earth! Third Assistant Postal Clerk—Oh, thank you, sir; thank you! Now I Ask You—! by J.B. Mie doctor (the heartless old sinner!) Sprague Bans starches to make us grow thinner; But should lack of a pomme De terre any one from Enjoying the rest of the dinner? aad “What do you think bandits?’ of these Chinese “Who do you mean—the laundry- men?” Rad “So you have quit the soda fountain?” “Yes,” said the former bar tender. “Why, you were making go And there was plenty of mixin “Yes, but what did it all amount to?” ae Son (reading)—Pop, what is a pedestrian? Pop—A pedestrian, my son, is the raw material for an auto- mobile accident. eas Einstein claims that light has That is why the elec- tricity bill is heavier in winter. “ “Blank is a man who has dug deep into life Ah! He was a surgeon!” “ said the burglar, friendless and “Your honor,” “I was homeless.” “My man,” foodless, said the judge,“you me deeply! Food, shelter and companionship — shall be yours for the next nine months.” move oe “How did you like that orange “Well, it was not without a peel.” rer “The only place I can find solace is in juict of my library.” er—I don't think I've met Solace, have I?” ees She—So he fell on her neck. How perfectly killing! He—Yes, wasn't it was an aviator and had the plane with him You see—er—he How the little darling looks at night. Just Think of It! by Irwin R. Fakrlaender HINK, if you can, what might have been the result if Thomas Jefferson had written the Declaration of Inde- pendence in time-table style: “When (daily except Sunday) in the course of human events (discontinued after September 5) it becomes necessary for one people (subject to change without notice) to dissolve the political bands (Sundays only) which have connected them with another (on regular schedule) and to assume among the powers of the earth (parlor car service) the separate and equal station (via B. & Q.) to which the laws of Nature (stop on signal and Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind (stops to leave) require that they should declare (mountain time) the causes which impel them to the separation (reduced rates during July). We hold these truths to be self-evident (except Fridays): T! all men (read down) are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator (read up) with inherent and inalienable rights; that among these are life (continuous between points), liberty (direct route) and pursuit of happiness (also subject to change). tae Hubbs—Named the baby yet? Stubbs—Partly. “Why not completely “My wife is sticking out for ‘Alfred’ while I strongly favor ‘Albert,’ so we'y compromised on ‘Al’ for the time being. * “How can we show respect for our mothers. asked the Sunday — school teacher. “By sassin? our paws!” came the quick reply. ery too stout entirely Why don’t Casey—T you're gettin’, Ellen. ve diet? Mrs. Casey—V'd like to, Dinny, but To can’t convince me science that dietin’ isn’t: wilfully interferin’ with the ways of Providence. con- ree Lady (to friend, as elephants come on stage)—Oh, by the way, did you know Hattie was reducing? erry As We Step Into the Spring by Wm. S, Adkins $ WE step into the spring Life is such a joyous thing. To the woodland then we stroll, Loaf and eke invite the soul. bosky spot and cool: es conceal the pool. Wg . if And we make the welkin ring As we step into the spring.