Judge — June 2, 1923 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MY FOUR YEARS IN THE WHITE HOUSE by Arthur Somers Roche middle of August the managers of my party told me that the campaign needed more pep, and also a slogan was essential. **Get the money,’ would be good,” * Lsuggested. “Tt sounds too conservatiy they objected. “Nothing new in it, and the public craves novelty I promised to think the matter over and a week later I sent for them and made arrange- ments for a non-partisan rally in Madison Square Garden. Reluctantly, saying that the public was no longer fooled by non-partisan indorsements of a party candidate, my managers consented to the meeting. I told them that the rally would supply both pep and slogan, and my wife and I chuckled at their patent lack of faith in my statement. I never lacked faith in myself and the little woman's trust in me has never wavered. Indeed, I may confess here that all that Lam I owe to her. Even what happened at the Madison Square rally was due to her gentle suggestion. For instead of making a speech I devoted my- self to deeds. I shot a banker. I shot a radical. Tshot a man whofavored the League of Nations. Ishot a man who opposed the League of Nations. I shot a prohibitionist. I shot a bootlegger. I shot a Sunday school superintendent. I shot the head of the vice trust. “Well,” said the chairman of the national com- mittee as ushers threw the bodies down cellar, “vou certainly have put pep into the campaign, Mr. Roche. But where’s your slogan?” Mrs. Roche danced up and down in simple girlish glee. ‘*He plays no favorites,” she cried. fow’s that for a slogan?” The world knows the answer, but this is the first time that I have told the world that my wife planned it all. B' t a Presidential campaign is not all jolly play. There are serious occasions, when one must make, on the spur of the moment, tremen- dous decisions. An European country indulged, along in September, in a revolution. The rebels overturned the government and began killing ministers of various religious denominations. My opponent announced that in the event of his election, he would immediately declare upon the European country. Reporters visited me to learn my attitude. I had one of those flashes of genius which make me what Iam. I mean, which help my wife to make me what I am. For I must not forget the little woman. “Declare war? No, indeed, gentlemen,” I said, “I have a better way to bring those bar- to time.” it?” they asked me. I WAS nominated early in June, and about the I laughed heartily. “TI ‘Il show them that two ean play at that game,’ id I. “IL hereby promise that, unless the massacre of ministers ceases I will, as soon as I am inaugurated, kill two American ministers for every one that is killed abroad. We'll see which country can keep it up long And, of course, as the United States had more ministers than all the rest of the world put to- gether, there was no answer to my threat. And a good logical argument always appeals to the American public. My Solomon-like pronounce- ment was greeted with applause even by that portion of the press which was opposed to me. I really think that my election was due to my attitude on that occasion. Two other matters contributed largely to the result. When I was asked who would be in my cabinet I replied that I neither knew nor cared, except that my brother-in-law would be Secre- y of the Treasury. This will be a business administration,” I said, “and my brother-in-law will get busy thirty seconds after he’s sworn in. I promise that there won't be a nickel wasted.” The other contributing factor was my decla- ration of Presidential policy. “What,” demanded the newspaper men, “do you expect to accomplish as President?” “Nothing,” IL replied. ‘Why pick on me? Nobody else ever did anything; why should I?” “But you must have some plans, Mr. Roche!” “Well,” admitted, “Ihave. Mrs. Roche and I were abroad last winter, and we both felt that our reception in Europe was not all that it might rave been. We met a couple of and a count or two, but sort of second-hand goods. My wife fe that if we went abroad while I held office we'd probably meet the most refined and swell people on the Continent. They'd lave to be nice to a President and his wife. The litUe woman is simply mad to call a queen oy her first name, and my first duty is to her who, as I have said, has made me what I am. “Why stick around Washington and disrupt business by a lot of silly laws that will only annoy the members of the Supreme Court who will > to think up reasons to annul them? I be- sve that the Supreme Court needs a rest. I believe that Congress needs a rest. And with all my heart I believe that the people need a rest from both of them. ‘Ten minutes after I am inaugurated Mrs. Roche and I will take a train to New York, and the next morning we will sail or Europe, to be gone four years, leading lives of social activity that will make the American public proud. Think of having the President safely settled in Europe where he can’t muss things up at home.” Who says that the American public appreciate a logical argument? My refutes the base charge. cannot election comicbooks.com