Judge — June 2, 1923 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Neat and Gaudy by Cyril B. Egan LASH Crash Hark—Hark- See—See The barking haberdasheree My haberdasher sold to me! Jingo! Dingo or flamingo Never hit the ear or eye With louder hue or bolder ery Then my un-shy King Tank Tic! Puddles on a painter’ Gold flung from Apollo's wallet ttering the landscape quict, Never made such gaudy riot As this brash Rainbow hash, Spectrum splash Purchased for a dollar cash! My razzle-dazzle “dashery Draws ‘em on en masse to me. The situation grows alarming ‘This neckwear makes me far too charming: Moths who to the light must fly, Ladies mob me for my tie: I cut too great a dash I make too loud a crash! Oh, Mister Haberdasher, Give ‘me back my cash, or Try my scarvish light to pal Throw over me a somber teil! Len ingenle— 1\| \\ PUL ‘ “The confirmed bachelor” Mrs.—Well, dear, how do you like my new Tut gown? Mr—They certainly slipped some- thing over on you! Per There's one good thir wiser. Today’s Forecast— Uncertain by Robert C. O'Brien I am the worst—or best—liar in the world. Compared to me Ananias is the fabled George Washington. My predictions have caused more chaos than Alexander the Ingrate, Prohibition, H. G. Wells, Napoleon, labor strikes, the soda- fountain check system, the French Revolution, the subway shuttle, post-season straw hats and Henry Cabot Lodge put together. T have received more front page publicity than the twelve leading murder obviouses. I am frankly unreliable, yet I am consulted incessantly. My trade-mark is the double cross. I am the weather report. se How to Learn to Swim (According to a Boy) Find a secluded pool. Remove the clothing. Jump in. ery When you give up tipping in a restau- rant you become a waiter! or Nature Lover—Ah, my dear sir, isn’t it a glorious day? Trascible Fisherman—Glorious nothin’! First it was that durn bird singin’, an’ now it’s you! “You can call me sentimental if you want to, Ransom; but sometimes I wish I wuz married.” 14