Judge — May 26, 1923 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

My Personality by Gardner Rea ‘VE ALWAYS wanted to be a success. I've wanted to have people point me yit-as I pass, for other reasons than that I look funny. So the other day I signed » for one of those personality courses. lhe whole trouble, it appeared, was with y will power. The first lesson had never seen me before, but it was sure of that It had seen my money, And the way o develop my will power, it said, was to vo right out on the str nd by sheer force of concentration make the first three persons I met do the first thing I asked So drawing one last faltering sss, I strode forth, tripped and bowled over a f them. breath of unsues over the door-mat, stout gentlen “Pardon me!” I gasped, as I heaved him apologetically to his feet “Pardon you!” he spluttered, “why ou My face fell as it dawn upon me that this was failure No. 1. Of course, I hadn’t really had time to concentrate, and yet— “Listen,” went on the stout gentleman, “listen here—” But, disappointed in him, I brushed past, and crossed the street to a park bench. On the bench sat a young lady with her little dog and_ slightly larger escort. Ignoring the escort, I faced the young lady and con- centrated. “Won't you troduce me to little dumb frien I smiled. “Where,” de- manded her escort, “do you get that ‘little dumb. friend’ stuff?” He made a pass at me, and in my downeast departure I narrowly missed bowling over the stout gentleman again. Instead I rammed a ta My fighting blood was up. Concentrating for the last time, I dared wildly. “Driver,” I said, “come right down here and dance a tango.” He came down and danced. But as he finally skip- ped from my pros- trate form, the stout leaned in- gentleman over. “That tango,” nounced wasn’t a he critically, it was a jig.” Wildly I gered to my and faced the stout gentleman. an- stag- feet es “I’m almost sorry I bought this dress; I look like a meal bag in it.” Friend—Don't worry dear; every- body looks that way these days! The only difference is—you look like a full meal bag. “Listen!” we began— But the stout gentleman had the stronger lungs and we had but a murmur. “Listen here,” he been watching you. register discomfiture year in repeated, “I've The way you is worth a million the movies. Sign Ertan = Flat Hunter’s Wife—This apartment’s not bad—has nice floors, but @ absolutely no view; you can’t see a thing from the windows. 17 Education by John C. Vieian ACEs and ‘graces And beautiful fi Stockings and slippei Of colorful hue; Camisoles, lingeric, Bloomers and petticoats Make a man reflect What money will do. Fluffs and the frilly things Girlies and older dames All seem to concentrate On these fine clothes; Bachelors, they only know What the shop windows show; That's education, as far as it goes. tot “T am surprised that you are seeking a divoree. Didn't you just state that you and your husband had lived together in harmony?” “Yes, and I just couldn’t stand it any longer ttt Crauford—It’s hard to find a good cook these days. Crabshaw—That’s right. get her even if you marry her. You don’t sae “Do you believe in opposites marry- ing?” “Decidedly. That’s why I'm looking for a rich girl.” st Kriss—Does it pay to be hon- est? Kross—To be honest with you, I've never tried it. sot “What’s — wror with your garde “Seems I made it over the spot where my dog buried a bone.” tot Mrs. Browne— Your house is so cunning. Mrs. Greene—Not half as cunning as the real estate dealer who sold it to us. ot The hour you make on daylight saving, you lose trying to figure out what it means. att In Boston, we presume, they tell meddler to mind his own agenda. comicbooks.com