Judge — May 19, 1923 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

That Summer Job (A Confession) by C. A. Mullane, Columbia ’26 AM convinced that the college man who makes money at a summer job is los- ing time—he should go into Big Business. If you never did fall for one of these Drawn by M. J. O'LovcHutn, Columbia ‘24, Hunch by T. A. La enterprises, I you: Did you ever buy a Columbia "33, “solid” gold” watch F that was brass—after at. you bought it? Did ou ever lose your money from home on the day you received as ‘AN, JR. shooting a gay me of craps with lad who stacked the ivories? Did you ever give a female your fraternity pin? In short, ve you ever been a bunco- erer’s meatball? If you have, apply your knowledge to that summer job plan, that John D.- in-a-summer scheme, and you will get m I fell for one variation of the summer job, the selling of an encyclopedi of all knowledge. Here is just how: I received a card from Timbuc- too, Wy., U.S.A, ask- ing me to be. wise enough when I had time to “kindly just fill in your name and address and mail.” If I did this, and was ambitious, an d lots of pep like that Babbitt fellow, and wanted to spend my summer “in a pleas- Thin. Drawn by Maxcuenite Kreas, Radcliffe College. The hugger who invariably succeeds in asphyxiating his fair victim by the pressure system. Drawn by Jack Rusu, Columbia * ee Ih i | 1 | i “What's wrong with this picture?” “Absolutely nothing.” ant, profitable and gentlemanly man- ner,” I would own Columbia by the fol- lowing September if I chose to invest my money in such a wise manner. I swallowed the whole thing, hook, line and fisherman. It was a marvelous scheme (I want to emphasize “scheme” that the Knowledge Trust laid out for my edification, by re- turn mail. The pro- spectus talked in many figures about profits. the country were dying off like flies w with ing for me to come, a savior, Knowledge Trust’s encyclopedia. hung like golden fruit from every crab-apple tree in Hicks- ville, Weehawken and Princeton, N.J. The farmers were becom- ing drug addicts because they could not rest waiting for me with Knowledge Trust ency- clopedia. I would be the re- deemer of lost souls, the reclaim- er of intellects, the bearer of light to the aborigine. And at the same time I would become a “boy-with-jack,” as the Knowl- edge Trust snappily put it. “Dulcet mater! Lead me to it,” I wrote back. I was hired, damn the darksome day... . bit, and I’ve had a bad taste ever since. During that summer my trav- cling expenses amounted to $300. Girls cost a little more. Fin for being disorderly in towns after drinking two i cream sodas in the same candy store sunk me for thirty more iron men. I was jailed thrice for begging my meals in towns where a hungry fellah without Old. People all over te the Money money was a moral and social leper. My digestion never been the same since. The farmers absolutely refused my phi- lanthropy. Princeton, N. J., was a howling wilderness infested with wild animals. The police of Weehawken ran me out of town, riding me on a rail to be more specific. The book-suppressors trailed me so closely that when I met them two weeks out they didn’t recognize me, I had grown so thin. Crass ignorance bliss to all. Don't be a meatbi I have just paid my last debt assumed during that summer. My sales? Yes, I sold—one encyclopedia. But I had to pay for it, as the kindly old gentleman who bought it turned out to be an escaped lunatic. ot “Your form is not so good,” remarked the golf Pro as he saw his fair pupil in knickers for the first time. E, B. Field, Vanderbilt U. ao fer a Drawn by KiNG, St Bridge Term—No support from the dummy. comicbooks.com