Judge — April 14, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

First Prize A’ AFTER-DINNER orator said, prior 2% to the Volstead Act: “It’s in the wonderful insight) inter ‘uman nature that Dickens gets the pull over Thacker, }ut on t’other hand, it’s in the brilliant shafts tire, tgether with a keen sense o” humor, that Thackens s the pullon Dickory. It’s just this: Thickery the humorist, and Dackens is the satirest. But, after all, it's “bsurd to nstitoot any between Dackery and Thickens.” comparison Second Prize A coEno rats united in holy matri- LX mony two of his parishioners, a wart woman anc t without mi happine » ill ad pair. F > woman arrived at the state of fury. “You us about ten months ago,” she uunounced. “Well, my husband's es- caped. What are you going to do about 2 small, meek man, to future Nearly nan relates that one illed upon to marry a couple. His catechism of the prospective bridegroom was_ satisfactory, and he turned his attention to the lady “Have you ever been married?” “Yes, sir!” “Husband dead?” “No, sir!” “Are you divorced?” “N—no, not exactly, but I'm just as good as divorced. My husband left me, and we ne paid the minister for marrying us tae Tr nunters in the North Carolina woods had chased a wild-cat to a clearing and were terrified to see the beast abin from which voice had just jump into a window of a the sound of a woma heen heard. On the porch, rocking comfortably and apparently unperturbed, sat friend husband. “For heaven’s sake, is your wife in there?” screamed one of the hunters. wh.” xd Lord, man, get busy! cat just jumped in the window.” “Yeah? Well, let him get out the I got no use for the and danged if I’m goin’ A wild- ay he pesky critte to help him.” s mother had caught a tion ps glass A little later, wel, aged five, was ready for bed, and as she kissed her mother a look of reproach crept into her eyes. “Mother,” she said solemnly, “You've been using father’s scent.” tae A stus Tuomas, ezar of the theatri- world, said at a wedding break- fast in New York: “When marriage fails it is usually because one or the other of the contracting parties starts out with the resolve to be false to his or her con- tract. Years ago when I was a reporter on a St. Louis paper, a colleague of mine went to the city editor and said: ‘Td like a raise, I'm married now, you know.’ “*Yes, yes, I know,’ said the city editor, a kindly, genial soul, “‘and, of course, you need the raise for your family, don’t you?” . T don’t,’ said the reporter, ‘T need it for myself. My wife, you s has found out what I'm getting now.’ WO BARBERS doped out a tonic for bald heads, rented a small store, fixed up a nice window, and arranged some placards that were not without appeal. When laymen were not around. they indulged in more or less discussion about their preparation. Thus in the midst of a quiet afternoon one of the partners was moved to speech. “John, I've been thinking. “What about, old-timer?” said the other, surprised. “Does our hair restorer really do the work? d the first. “It must,” declared | John “Why?” “Nobody ever comes back for a second bottle.” easily. ttt N oLp LaDy who had taken up carc 4% late in life was asked how she had spent the evenin; “I knitted 1 three games of cribbag lat was Who wot “He won the first two games, and I won the rubber.” while, then Pa and I i | \ i my 4 \ mores \ | = . l CAs) -- Latest fiction. comicbooks.com