Judge — March 10, 1923 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ant the and L in the ry’. her ick. vo- like nto hat tyr ne, Stories to Pell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. All others at regular rates. Firat Prize I 1zA had been robbed and was 4 told by the judge to explain to the court the circumstances of the case “Wal, Jedge, yer honor,” she said, “on this perticular day, ef yo” all remembers, there was a big Democrat p'rade goin’ on. IT was leanin’ out mah winder a chin’ “em goin” by when this bue' s up behin’ me, an’ slams the winder down on mah neck an’ robs me.” “Do you mean to tell this court, that with a big Democratic parade going by and all the people watching it down on the street, you let this man rob you without making an outery?” “Sho’ ah could 0° outcried, Jedge— but do yo’ all think ah wanted them Democrats to think ah was cheerin’ them Second Prize urtNG the happy hunting season of the U-boats a convoy was proceeding down the French coast when an explosion was heard and the crew of a‘ tramp steamer began to abandon ship. A de- stroyer dashed up to the steamer and asked what had happened. ‘The reply is classic: “We have been struck by a tor- pedo but can’t find the hole.” tae 30, while returning O by nore after a business trip to New York, I noticed a young man in the seat directly opposite mine. As the morning had been rainy, this young man had come prepared to trudge about in the rain, as he had his overshoes and umbrella with him. But as the train pulled into the train shed at Union Sta- tion, the sun was shining brightly, and the afternoon promised to be very pretty. Getting off the train I noticed that my friend had forgotten his overshoes and umbrella, and I called his attention to them. “Oh!” said he, “I am losing them pur- posely. They will be found and I can get them this evening simply by identi- fying them at the lost article bureau. Otherwise, I would have to check them at the package room, and that would cost me fifteen cents.” soe A* OLD JUDGE had grown tired of the £4 petty interests and conv ns of a small c Desiring to live closer to Nature, he had built his home on the outskirts of the town. One day he met a number of the younger legal lights who were inclined to think the old Judge rather eccentric, and he, in turn, did not agree with them as to their importance upon earth. “But, Judge,” one of the leading lights you live so far out.” far out? So far out?” the Judge spouted. “So far from where, from whom, you? I am just as close to the sun, moon and stars as you are.” AS oLp white-whiskered pioneer was listening to two travelers on a train. “Do you know, Mr. Kell,” said the first traveler, “I was riding out with a Lethbridge farmer on a bobsleigh in 1909 to put up a windmill for him. We had the parts on the sleigh and although the sun was shining we saw the country turning black to the w icked up his horses saying it was a Chinook and that sleighing would be gone before we got home. I laughed at him, but do you know, we galloped those horses the last two miles with the front bobs on the hard track and the rear ones dragging in the mud.” “Well, sir, Mr. Winnie,” the other re- turned, “four years ago I was taking orders for nursery stock in South Dakota. They had a cyclone in the district a few before, but the first remarkable thing I noticed was what looked like a hundred foot smokesta I stopped and asked a farmer if some one had struck oil or a mine or was opening up a factory. “No,” he said, “that’s only neighbor His first case. Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. Jackson’s well blown inside out by the aid the old man in the next seat. “What ye've said may be all right if you could get some one to believe ’em. I've lived in Montanny for nigh onto fifty year an’ I'll tell ye something. In th” early days, when we had nuthin’ but grass to feed our hosses they used t’ get purty thin. Yessir, they got so durned thin one dry summer in °87, with standin’ up agin the wind an’ trying t’ eat that we had to cut up our tents to make hoss blankets for ’em.” ) “But what good did that do?” ex- claimed the travelers “Wa-al, they was so thin, ye see, that they needed blankets t’ keep the g from blowing out ‘tween their ribs!” “Boss, I’ve been taking a correspond- ence course on how to get more money.” “You won't get it out of me. I'm tak- ing a correspondence course on how to keep down expenses,”