Judge — March 3, 1923 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sterres te Tetfi JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. AU others at regular rates. Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. [Fre A tartaty at one time connected A TRauP stopped at a farmhouse one eens OH ns ; with the provincial jail, Winnipeg, £4 evening and asked for a job in re- Amon TIME ago the University | was rather fond of the spirits that have turn for a night’s lodging and meals. of ‘Time, as Nevada's penal | no soul. He had on a certain occasion The farmer put him to milking the cows, heen planting the seeds of faith in the but a few moments later the tramp re. t heart of a convict who had been im- ported that the flies were so bad that the a woman's club, . prisoned for bootlegging. The chaplain cows would not stand still long enough One of the dan appoint- 1 jad struck fertile soil, he thought, for to be milked. ment that necessitated her depar- [again and again did the prisoner express The farmer looked at his watch and ture before the end of the affair a desire to hear the “old, old story.” replied: “Wait about half an hour, till not_knowing how to get, t Once more he had been told the wondrous supper time. The flies will all be in the town, and not wishing to disturb the | thing. dining-room then and you can milk in other women of the party, she ap- “Just tell it to me all over again, yer peace.” pealed to the officer in whose cha sevenenive,” cageily sequela tie ‘pre chad been placed. ome? : Ea The. “PM Teta The chaplain was puzzled. Tt was not trusty take you in my car. usual for worldly-minded prisoners to en- tor his nickel fare, and reeled as he walked After they had started, the lady, | joy spiritual food with such a relish. toward the front of the car, where he sat being somewhat nervous riding re you really very interested?” down. After a few seconds he got up alone with a convict, said: “Are you | finally asked the chaplain, with just the and staggered back toward the conductor, time to take me all | faintest suspicion. “It’s no juist that,” stretching out a nickel as he got near replied the convict, “it’s yer breath. "Io him. ‘Here, Bill,” he said. havena’ tasted ony institution is locally known, was the scene of a big ” pulled off by as y se stepped on the street car all boozed up. He gave the condue- * said the convict, “I have masel fer the past The conductor, astonished, replied: ons of gas and fourteen | gyal month.” ets “You gave me your f ve a “Oh, T know that,” “This E REGRET to note that Mr. Timothy one is for the comp: j Second Prize Judd, our local tenor, has been HE priest's text was the judgment day. pl in the county insane asylum. 7 . He declaimed that on that day Mr. Judd’s mental disorder dates from Up until yesterc when Plato Prouty would be assembled to receive divine January 23, when he attempted to sing drove an automobile for the first time, he judgment, and none would escape this “Brighten the Corner Where You Are,” reports that he always had been able to formality. Pat was all attention, but at a noonday meeting held in the rail- manipulate his feet without watching after the sermon was still a bit dubious; road roundhouse. them, so respectfully approaching the good priest he asked: “Do I understand you to mean, Father, that on judgment day every wan will be ther “Yes, everyone, Pat.” “And will Boru and Oliver Cromwel And Mike Cl y and Tim Whalen, will they be there toc they will all be there. me give ye a tip, Father, There'll be no judging done the first da ott Ik THE days before Mr. Volstead had be- come famous, the Elks held a conyen- tion at Portland, Ore.. and the Pacific fleet was present. The officers were royally entertained and the war cry w “Eleven o'clock! Time to ta’ drin Shortly afterward a British cruiser visited the West Coast and a dinner party for the visitors was given on the Amer flagship. Several times during the e ning the Americans used the expression they had learned at Portland, and when o'clock had really come a British “Eleven o'clock! ‘Time to a drink!” 1» American replied, “Are you an a a The Britisher looked blank for an in- stant and then replied seriously, “Oh, no! | T am just a duke.” | sae 1 A poctor who was making a call on one of his patients, “You are slightly morbid, my dear lady. ij You should look about you and marry “Oh, doctor, is—is this a proposal?” SOLICITUDE “Allow me to remind you, madam, “Better stop lighting the fire with gasoline, Jane.” that a doctor prescribes medicine—but “Eh! Sir?” he doesn’t take it.” “Remember, you promised to give a week’s notice before you went away.