Judge — February 24, 1923 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Gitsext WILKINSON, HE GENTLEMAN who insists that the egg is the most defenseless thir the world is minus either the olfae- tory organ or else is suffering from a cold. For, as any person of average acuteness and in the possession of at least one of the essential five senses knows, the egg is not the weakest thing in the world, but potentially is one of the most influential reasons for its own existence. Now that one of the fallacies of the earth has been irrevocably shatte: proper theme of the discussion gi is being approached, ‘This is not 3 about the egg, not eggsactly, but ec indirectly its more diplomatic relative, the omelet, which is a direct issue of the egg, removed therefrom by an existence of thre: erations inc nd assuaged by a quart of flour. Hence, here is a statement thrown out to the of the world: the omelet is the ing of foods. e adjective “soothing” advances the deliberation directly to the subject at hand, which is that of the flute. The egg, which seems to be isolated somewhat from the flute, in fact possesses some rele- vancy, for the distance between the egg and the flute easily is traversed by an omelet, as can be vouched for by any number of persons behind the flute. The Enid Wife—Donald, it'll be my birthday in the morning! Donald—Aye! Well, then, we can ex pect a registered letter from the grand- child. For Fathers Only by VJ. Gregory The connection between the flute and the egg being established and the asser- tion made that the omelet is the most soothing of foods, the stage is cleared— of eggs—for the flute. This tool—< thority will be cited at the proper place is the most soothing of all musical in- struments. At this time it is necessary to intro- a surprise. Step lightly—it is the The bond between th the baby may not appear evident. Quic Watson, the flute! From the flute to the baby is but a step—the step belonging to fath A slip by father, on the point of a tack, may be ruinous. Let us pause for breath while father is reaching for the flute. duce baby. A’ THis parenthetical moment. it is best to explain that this is a serious article by a serious man for serious fathers. Asa rule fathers are discomfited by infants, who bear the paternal re- semblance but the maternal disposition, which breaks out at any time between the last crow of the cock and the first streak of dawn. The flute is of consequence not only to the fathers of Broadway but also to those of Greenwich Village and indeed, even to the fathers of Main street. For, it may be stated with statistical accuracy that, on an average, not more than one father out of every hundred ever escapes the imposition of having to lull the squalls of his progeny at two in the morning with a snatch of a rag or the bars of a quaint ditty. How the one father escapes, statistics fail to reveal and the character of this article forbids humorous diversion, But all in’ vain! No quantity or quality of ragging or dittying ever produces the desired result. Invariably the unappreciated father is ned by the child who, at an early to misinterpret privileges contained in the preamble of the Constitution. The resource of the ostrich in burying the head deeper into the pillow always proves futile and often- times fatal. The mother, exhausted from the labors incident to bi 1 pink tea, cither sleeps with a deaf else interrupts the rhythmical purring of her mate by reminding him, in gent! wifely tones, of his inherent duty. Then from sheer disgust and out of the good- ness of his heart, the father picks up th: baby and paces ten or eleven miles until the child or he falls asleep from exhaus- tion. It is therefore in accordance with th wishes of the suffering bread-winner of