Judge — February 24, 1923 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stories First Prize “Toman a funny experience while on the Mexican border,” re- lated a former army — sergeant. “They had assigned me to the mess detachment in Tex “One morning I had to go to the major’s office with a requisition for certain supplies. When I entered the room I found, much to my sur- that the major was a big, I had finished my yout to leave the sn the major hailed me with, nt, whe you from? ones this evening. “D- u-m, dann.” y prise, Pat ‘irgin “Whereupon the major removed his cap and placed it on the table. : ant! Salute the hat’!” 1 the Second Prize De® foxes e8, & practitioner ina small Western town and was addicted to card playing. One day he was dragged almost by main force out of his home, where he was engaged in a game of poker, and taken to the bedside of a patient. On his arrival he found the man almost at his last gasp, and began by fecling his pulse with one hand, while with the other he pulled out his watch. He counte the pulse beats in an undertone, his eyes riveted on the minute hand. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,” he pro- ht, nine, ten, jack, queen, work your | “All right n goin’ tramp, as the » was hot » patient burst into a fit of laughter which saved his life. - . Finally, he ny ap Surrit was fond of trying to catch called out: little Johnr WO! but Johnny was usually able to hold his | walkin!” own, so Dad decided to try a few mono- ZA SPkrovun “Sure” you can “Oh, just drivin’ easy,” si to seem interminabl the lazy mules from time to time, trudged along in the dust behind them F led a halt boat drifted within hailing distance, he cap’n—if T didn’t know in spelling long words, I was workin’ me passage, I'd think I was Ae fil to syllables for a change. said, “I'm going to give Spell dumb.” I caught you that time. “Well, didn’t I say that?” “T didn’t hear the 6, ‘ou're not supposed to hear it, Dad; teacher said the 6 was silent in that word.’ tte A PRETTY DISCOURAGED Trishman was. after having been repe y put off trains in his attempt to ste ride from Rochester wondered if canal boats might prove more hospitable, and so managed to find his way to the tow-path, where he sat down to await an When the mules drawing a barge came accosted the driver. captain Johnn to east-l “but you'll have to said Pat, joyfully—“what these mules—just id the inexperienced attain climbed on the boat which the woman at the alongside the path. id the hours began as Pat, prodding AZ ifm NW | a Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. Allothers at regular rates. Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. = OME Years ago a very serious explosion occurred in a lower handling room of a turret on one of our older battkeships. The plain wished to go to the scene of the ident at once, but before leaving the bridge he instructed the na tor to beach the ship if that became necessary to prevent sinking. The captain wrote out his report of the accident while still under the influence of its attendant excitement and in the report he said: “ in leaving the bridge I instructed the navigator to beach the ship if necessary, well knowing that no officer in the Navy was better qualified for this responsibility.” LD MAN Evans was a pious soul. In f nothing short of death was considered by him a legitimate excuse for absence from church services. One eve- ning in class meeting he rose with bowed head to m a confession, “Brethren,” he said, “all day the devil has been tempting me. All day he’s been trying to lead me ast But praise the Lord I’ve beat the devil. I'm here to-night instead of down at that Democratic mass-meeting!” reed T HAPPENED at the marine barracks in one of the navy yi ing the war. There been unus' ints about the “chow” and these complaints reach the ears of the commanding _ officer. One morning, at assembly, he addressed the company as follows ‘omplaints have come to me concerning the meals that are being served this company and I want every man who is dissatisfied with the food to step forward. Company halt!” Culprit—S’cuse me, Judge, fer puttin’ up such a holler when ye give me thirty days. I thought fer a minute ye meant I had to serve it on a jury. comicbooks.com