Judge — January 13, 1923 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of the World’s Humor He AND his sweetheart had quarreled violently. With what dignity he could muster he walked to the hallway, put on his hat and coat, and started out the door. With vehemence, she yelled: “If I never see you again, it will be too soon.”—Indianapolis Star. The bark is worse than the bite. —Passing Show (London). chad LE OLESON wanted to be a railroad man. So he got a job in a round- house as engine wiper. His foreman had been trained in the “Jim” Hill school; he allowed no waste. He everlastingly kept ding-donging at Ole like this: “Don’t waste a drop of oil, Ole; oil costs money. And don’t waste the waste, either; it’s getting mighty expen Ole finally got these economy pounded into his head. One day Ole was promoted to fireman. The day before he went on his first reg- ular run on a freight engine s posted as to his duties through a se of ques- tions. This was the last question: “Now, Ole, suppose you are on your engine; you go around a curve and see rushing toward you on a single track the fastest passenger trai! What would you do?” Ole replied: “I grab the dam oil can; I grab the dam waste—and I YUMP.”— Buffalo Courier. “How did Teller get his cold?” “All the drafts in the bank go through his cage.” —Boston Transcript. facts sae HEN Thomas placed a rosy apple by the garden gate and then se- creted himself behind a hedge he thought he had done so unobserved. But he was mistaken. An old gentleman approa him and began a lecture: said, “do you not know tha a wrong in placing that apple by that gate? Some poor boy might be tempted to take it” “Well,” said Thomas, “that’s just what I want him to do.” “Why?” inquired the old gentleman. “Why?” repeated Thoma I've hollowed out the in with mustard.”—lIlion Citizen. Fae to the you have “Friend,” said Cactus Joe stranger in Crimson Gulch, held four of a kind three t ckier than you think. The boys here is willin’ to let you go your intact provided you start immedi- There won't be gun play un- ou linger. The big luck fur you is act. that you happened to pick ‘Safety First’ week for your performance at this here card table.”—Washington Star. Rated “They’ve gone into the divorce court. “What’s the trouble?” “Oh, he couldn’t find the shirt he wanted one morning and she lost her tem- per because she couldn’t have the autc afternoon her card club met.” —Detroit Free Press. Mr. Newrich—Coroner, Coroner! if Bake farmers met after church as usual and had this conversation: “Sold your pig?” “Yes.” “What d’ye get?” “Thirteen doll “What'd it cost ye to raise it?” “Paid $3 for the shoat, $5 for the lumber in the pen and house, and five more for the feed.” “Didn’t make much, did ye?” “No, but I had the use of the pig all summer.” —Argonaut. Raed “Mamma! Mamma! The baby just swallowed my ni “Quick, Willie; run for the doctor!” “Gee, whiz! "t you got another ’—New York Sun. Tenant—Look here, the water in my cellar is a foot deep; my hens are drowning! Landlord—Give them up and go in for ducks.—Passing Show (London). tae Wife—Where Professor's last night? Professor—Didn’t I tell you I was out lecturing to a special class? “How come poker chips dropping out of your pocket?” “Let's see them!” were you The red and the , I lectured on blood. chips represented the red cells, white chips the white corpuscle “And how about the blue chips?” “The blue chips represented the corpuscles of the venous blood.”—The Medical Quip. Ain’t ye got anything that sahnds a bit less threatening?—Humorist (London). 24 comichooks.