Judge — January 6, 1923 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

S tori €s JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and All others at regular rates. best. First Prize A f1Ly moved into Arkansas, £% and as they had been accus- tomed to keeping everything under lock and key, they brought their locks with them. Having a sub- stantial looking tool house, the head of the family put a big lock on the door. The neighbors for miles around dropped in to look them over, but seemed to be in a hostile frame of mind after one visit. Finally a dele- gation of leading farmers called on the man of the house: “Why did you move among us if you thought we were as bad as you try to make out?” th ed, “Bad! Why I have the best kind of an opinion of you people.” “Well, then, why do you lock your tool house? Don’t you know that nobody in Arkansas ever stole any- thing to work with? Second Prize Dore: aged seven, and her mother were making their first trip the Atlantic to meet father in London. The weather had been beauti- ful and calm for the first two da on this, the third morning, the ship was rolling and pitching heavily. Dorothy awoke her mother from an uneasy slumber. ‘Mamma, what is the matter with the boat to-day? Are we on a detour?” across Bees Ovprievp relates that he was once in partnership with Henry Ford, but afterwards dissolved that union and went with some one else. Some time later a friend of the Detroit manu- facturer made the statement to him: “Well, Hank, Barney Oldfield helped to make you.” “y plied Mr. Ford, “and I helped to make him When next Barney saw his former partner he asked him if he had said such a thing, and Mr. Ford readily admitted that he had. “Well, all I've got to say,” answered the noted racer, “is, that if T helped to make you and you helped to make me, I did a jot better job than you did!” se I A French-Canadian settlement in eastern Quebec a Frenchman was in- vited to partake of the evening meal at the home of his brother. During the course of the meal the milk pitcher was passed to the Frenchman, and while pouring same into his coffee he remarked: “Pierre, where you get these milk Pierre replied, * from my cov “Well!” was the response, “you had better get one tarpaulin for these cow, she leaks!” “Those milk, she’s come to Original, unpublished humorous W:!: the Punitive Expedition was in Mexico in 1916 and 1917, one of the newspaper correspondents asked a colored trooper of the 10th Cavalry what he thought of Mexico. The trooper studied a minute and then answered: ‘Well, boss, there is more cows and less milk, more rivers and less water, and you can see further and see less than any country in the world. sae AX IrIsHMAN being akened sud- £% denly in the night by a cry of fire hastily donned his trousers and leaped from a_ second-story window. He alighted safely on the ground, but stood looking down at his trousers, which in his excitement he had put on hindside before. A fireman came up to him and said: “Did the fall hurt you Pat? “No,” said Pat. “Divil a bit did it hurt me, but it gave me a divil av a twisht.” ee RANCES, aged seven, was urging her mother to let her go with her that evening to the theater, but her mother “You would not enjoy it is not a movie, it is a stock compan) “But, mother,” interposed “you know I just love anima Frances, Tetl stories only are wanted. Y0r dispersed the mob? “Yes,” said the sheriff, noncha- lantly. “When the boys swarmed around the jail I stepped out with a couple of guns in my hands an’ spoke sorter sooth- ing to “em. “What did you say?” “I just reminded ’em that my brother was runnin’ the only undertakin’ shop in “town an’ everybody that knowed me knowed I was a strong family man who’ do anything in reason to boost the busi- ness of a relative tat Lt E Berry, aged six, was very anxious to own a pussy cat, but her a great aversion to cats, and pat to all her pleas for one. He did however, that she could have a dog if she could find a nice, well-behaved one that wouldn’t bite the baby. One day, while walking with her mother, Betty saw a lovely little gray father had turned ad kitten frisking along beside her. She turned a wistful little face to her See! mother and said: “Oh, Mumsy! It doesn’t seem to belong to any Can’t I please, please take it home? “But, Betty a dog if you want, but nota cat, dear. = -ell, but, Mumsy, can’t we take it home and use it for a deg?” “That fellow buying “That so! “Oh! shoes is Henry Ford.” I wonder what size he gets?” 30 x 3%, I s’pose!”