Judge — December 16, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ballades of a Dub I'm Kin to Colonel Bogey Now by AL N.C. Fouter peroM Congressmen to other dubs I've relatives of ev'ry blend Who, when they met me in the pubs, Have been inclined to condescend en to their dearest friend So often slip the coldest bow; But all that stuff is gonna end I'm kin to Colonel Bogey now, To-day T felt that all my clubs Were well prepared the ball to send Not into bunkers, trees or shrubs, Due to some topping, hook or bend, As often is ny footless trend, But where it should be, Ta If one his growing gross would mend— I'm kin to Colonel Bogey now. ow, I played the brand of golf that rubs Your strokes off till they don't offend Or give your nerves the mulligrubs As homeward from the links you wend— ‘The golf that makes your hopes ascend Up to the zenith, anyhow, I've cheerfulness to burn or lend— I'm kin to Colonel Bogey now. L’Enroi w's got me guessin; tof which I've penned— I'm kin to Colonel Bogey now. ry Putter—What did you do the first hole in? Mutter—In twelve. sae hetter ve some- lohn, don’t vou think v Christmas tree so we'll thing to hang the presents up on John (grimly)—We've got to find some way of hanging up the dealers, first. sae “Tow would you wagon?” “Oh, it might do in a pinch.” ke riding in a patrol International Gawf Congress by C. 1. Myers HAE been thinkin’ things ower verra hoot come ncloosion that th’ anly wa’ tae settle th’ situation in Europe is tae haud an international gawf congress. Th’ githerin’ wadna be a talkfest It aattle o” wits or tinuous roun’ o° diplomatic som wi’ th best trader gettin’ th’ best bi My plan wad be that aifter accredited delegates h arrived been properly taken care o” by th’ recep- tion coommittee, they wad be escorted tae an exclooded wsive gawf coorse an’ wi'oot further ceremony. be entered in th’ international gawf tourna- ment. It wadna be a handicap affair ilka ane wad be oon th’ same basis, Then, aifter th’ tournament, let thim a’ gither at th’ 19th hole an’ drink frac th’ loving coop presented by Ooncle na be “What sticks does one need to be- come a successful golf player?” Experienced One — Driver, mashie and lip stick. 6 Waverly Golf Club, Port- land, Ore., considered by experts, professional and_ amateur, one of the finest in the U. S. Sam, Alang aboot th’ third roun’, when | a’ shad be feelin’ chirrupy an’ th” warld be lookin’ Dricht, they'd be ready. tae sign th’ document, carefu’y prepared by a coommittee 0” caddies, which wad bind | thim tae play th’ game oon th’ squar, na | whither oon th’ gawf cuorse or | th’ conditions wad be th’ ap- 4 * a gawfer tae th’ premiership J in ilka countra, Anither wad require | gawf houn’s. By this arrangement amaist a’ th’ h nation wad naturally half o° thir time oon th’ rses an’ sac wadna hae muckle opportunity tae think oop soome alibi*tae | war oon thir neigh Onyhoo, | | : | | i that a” members o° th’ cabinets be regular \ y wadna dae't because th’ true spirit awf contravenes ony sic thing. In coorse 0° aboot a year we'd see a’ th’ nations wi? government gawf coorses whaur maist affairs o” state, as weel as international issues, wad be settled amic- ably aifter TW di thing th roun’ or twa on th’ links. mmats hae tried aboot ilka 1 think 0° tae ° harmony in th’ v Noo, why na let th’ intern gawf congre: Intsiness tional s stop this whitty-whatty * show Europe hoo tae get oon ily important thing € es wad ask for w joint sig! of a memorial ta ton askin’ for th’ repeal o” th’ re th” Washing- hteenth nd keeps coming home very ning. What is the secret of it?” “ZT dress up evenings, and am always taking off my coa n, just as if I had been out. | ing to get home before I do, so he can kick | about my staying out late.” | Sue—He actually blushed after he had kissed m Lou—My dear, you shouldn't apply your rouge so thickly, comicbooks.com