Judge — November 11, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ilow to Get an Education I \ST night, 4 Archibald learned that a straight comes in oftener, but not as useful as a full house. Sidney learned that comes when ¢ Reuben learned to fox trot Harold learned to kiss a William learned how champagne is sold. Jac ‘ had a date and learned a lot. lay, they explained to the dean that vey had spent the night studying, and that they had learned their lessons.— HWashington and Jefferson Way Jag. “Little Joe” seldom see Ivertising a J==y—Right here in this store. 1 fired two salesmen last week.—Virginia Reel. st Professor (after a very bad recitation) Class is dismissed; don’t flap your ears when you go out.—Washington and Lec \ Peggy—Had a wonderful time at the fraternity dance the other night. Polly—So I heard. How was the music? Peggy—Oh, did they have music? — George Washington University Ghost. Rey HE car was waiting at its terminal outside the city when Hi Hardscrabble approached, chewing a straw and tugging along his lawful heirs. “Hi, thar, young feller,” he addressed the conductor, “Will yew charge me fare for these kids? “Not if they’re under five.” the wielder of the ticket punch. “Wa’ then, that’s fixed, b’gosh. These kids ain't neither of “em turned five yit. S'pose yew jist takes them into taown and puts ‘em off by the depot; they'll wait there while IT walks it. Penn State Froth. answered tae OSEPH SMOOTH, the well-known Y collegiate gent, gives this itemized account of his first day back to Main street, Hanover, N. HL: Times Said Howareyuh. . 983 W as asked, Good vacation? 34 Answered, Wonder! Was asked, How’s the woman? Answered truthfully « Laughed, without answering. ....... 17 Lied sia vas ROM Was asked to drink... . 0 Drank 00 Decided it was nice to be back 9 Changed his mind 10 —Dartmouth Jack 0° Lantern. With the College Wits Irrepressible, Rah! Rah! Efficiency ! | {o’ many platinum hours. diamond studded. do you waste daily com- menting on the weather? What is the net utilization value of the Howjado. lovely day? it add to the sum total of human prog’ How many golden minutes do you send scampering into the big black bourne of oblivion, surveying your cranium, comb in hand, for the proposed parting? Does this effort on your part contribute thing to the cause of social uplift, sanita- tion or the Genoa conference? How many silver seconds do you un- hesitatingly annihilate looking over old wine lists? Does this help to quench the Hurst for knowledge? y the east banner in’ the Toronto Goblin. phrase What does y- Cast and progress. ancts of inefficiency ageant of tote “TIL show you an old, old tintype of the family,” said she coyly, leading me into the living-room. “Ah,” thought I, “a sweet, old-fashioned maid! Lovely echo from the romant past. Hers should be a background of hollyhocks, sweet Williams, and_ lilacs, with sweet music of the minuct sounding faintly in the distance.” She led me to the window. “There’s the damn wre * and she pointed to a flivver at the curb,—Stan- ford Chaparral. er Rumb—At the “Follies” the other night my eyes felt like little birds. Dumb—How com litting from limb to limb, m’deah Chicago Phoenix. She—How sweet of you to get me this nice diamond (nestling closer), and no one on earth trusts you more than I do. He—Oh, yes. She (drawing closer)—Who? “The jeweler.”"—Grinnell Malteaser. One person does. Joyous, Irresponsible HEN tweeds are closets d. And baggy knees are pressed, When hats are exposed to view. Brought from their piace of rest. brought from The old canoe has nice fresh paint, The lazy-back is new, They toil not, neither do they spin, That’s what the co-eds do. Oregon Orange Owl. — THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WORLD He plants rubber worms in his front lawn —Dartmouth Jack o' Lantern. Set She—Did you do well in your anatomy quiz? He—Not so much, I said there were seventeen vertebra: in the spinal column but I find these new ballroom styles have uncovered a couple more.—Denison Flamingo. Rad “She confided to me that many had tried to kiss her and none had succeeded. But » she said, she had become rathei us to know what it is like.” “Weren't you surprised at that?” “Well, it gave me quite a start.” Princeton Tiger. ee Profesvor—Suceess, four conditions, Voice from Back Row—TVough luck, the dean will kick it out of college. Oklahoma Whirlwind. ee gentlemen, — has The whole world has gone wrong, wailed the moralist. There are not even as many upright pianos as there used to be. tre Dame Juggler. rer Brother—Where is the paint remover? Mother—Why? ster wants something to wash her with.” —Denver Clarion. fa