Judge — October 28, 1922 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Le = Kansas Note—Messrs. Pius Medler and Tunk Landin of Maple Valley; Mr. Sam Graham of Pine Flat; Miss Thelma Pilsen and Mrs. Goof Wilkinson of Orchard Carry, and Hod Slatters of Perkins Cove, arrived this evening on the 7.59 cyclone Stories to Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. First Prize ERE’S a book madam,” said ihe book ‘agent, “which tells you how to keep your husband. It’s a wonderful little book.” “Tive bean ‘Keeping any husband for the last fifteen years,” replied the woman. ‘What I want is a book that would tell me how to make him fo to work and) Keep aie; for’ a change.” Second Prize IM, I see that your mule has U. S. branded on his right hind leg. I suppose he was an army mule and be- longed to Uncle Sam?” No, suh—dat U. “bout no Uncle ¢$ in’. Dat Us ~at’s all.” don’t mean nothin’ muel. Dat’s jess a ’n jess stand fo’ Un ery R. JOHNSON, deacon in the local church, owned a drug store in a small town. The church was in need of new hymnals. Mr. Johnson offered to furnish the much-needed books provided he could place an advertisement on the inside. After due consideration the pastor and church membership agreed to this offer and in the course of time the books arrived. The following Sunday morn- ing the pastor, in announcing the arrival of the new hymnal, said: “I have the pleasure to present to you this morning the new hymnals so generously furnished by Brother Johnson. We should be doubly grateful to Brother Johnson, for after careful examination I find the brother has refrained from plac- ing a secular advertisement in so sacred a book. We will now sing hymn on page 162 ‘Hark! the angel voices sing. Johnson’s pills are just the thing. ny ~~ cs All others at regular rates. New Father-in-law—There you are! New Son-in-law (who has eloped with the goil)—I notice that you irate fathers have a way of always arriv- ing just a few minutes late. Hear their voices, ever mild, Two for man and one for child!” eee 3 THE new preacher of the colored Baptist. church was passing one morning he leaned over the fence to ad- ire Sam Hill’s flowers. ” he said, “I understand you a white poppy Sam became indignant. “N-o, sah,” he said emphatically, “you been hearing *bout Samuel Johnson. My daddy's black as de ace o” spades. sae HE son and his family had gone over to the grandparents for Sunday dinner. Grandpa was in the midst of an argument when dinner was announced, and after seating himself still kept talking for so long that little grandson, sitting nex him, finally touched him on the arm said: “Hurry up and read your plate, grandpa, I’m hungry!” ee RO customer had been given ample time to pay his account at a country store in Alabama, but gave no heed to threats or warnings. Finally he wrote the proprietor a postal card with this message: “‘Inclosed you will find the $28 which I will bring the next time I come to the store.” 5 ||| Puff! 19 Puff! Puff! Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. MITH is the best-hearted man in the world, but nobody would accuse him of being handsome. The other day he went to visit an old college friend, and remembering that said friend had a daughter, Annie, about four years old, he brought a box of candy for that young lady. nd are you going to give the nice man a kiss for that?” inquired Anniec’s father. Annie looked at Mr. Smith thought- fully. Then she looked at her father. “Tl tiss you, papa,” she decided, “and you tiss him.” Ral FARMER in the cotton belt had a reputation for never wearing good clothes. His wife was continually re- proaching him for his negligence. With the maturing of his crop he journeyed to the city with the “first bale.” The bale brought ten cents per pound more than he had expected and he de- cided to surprise the “old lady.” He went to a nearby furnishing store and purchased a complete and shining new outfit. Instead of putting them on in the store he placed them under the wagon seat and began the homeward journey. When abovt one mile from the farm he stopped by a creek, stepped behind a large clump of shrub- bery and proceeded to take off his clothes, at the same time them into the creek. by the current. Turning to his wagon, naked as Adam, he found that some one had stolen the entire outfit, from shoes to hat. “Giddap, Bill!” said _ he, jumping into the wagon. “We'll surprise the old lady anyway!” PIS ALLY, the colored maid, was \ being taunted by her mis- tress about Jim, her beau, who was considered half-witted. “But Jim hasn’t sense, has he, Sally ‘No’m, he ain’t got much, butwhathe comichookss