Judge — September 23, 1922 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

way. A month o’ this kind ©’ practice would reduce the death morality and give the ruck driver the idear that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t run over a kid an’ he might justas well stop tryin’. Teachin’ a female woman child anything but perkin’ up is only wastin’ her time. It don’t make any difference how smart a girl is, three- quarters of her time’s spent dollin’ up the skin you love t' touch. Besides, ‘rithmetic never got a woman nowhere but overdrawin’ her bank account. A course of cos- metics in the school might doa good deal too for some of them school-teachers who are always hidin’ their ears when others is showin’ theirs and vicer verser. ks oughter be taught the trapeze before they’ve ever been in the sub- way so’s by the time they yet to ridin’ up and down town, they'll take naturally t’ the straps. Children over the age of five oughter be taught to shoot. There’s more need for firearms t’-day than there was when cities was woods. \ neat sharpshooter’s medal oughter be pinned on the jacket of every kid who made the most hits at the dummy or a bootlegger placed within range of the The teacher leadin’ and encourag- ing. Of course the pupil oughter be taught to shoot over and not through the head of the kid in front. After bein’ able to hit a bootlegger five out of six, the pupil should be advanced t’ shootin’ at Senators. No one’s too young to start helpin’ the Government. But there ain't no one with the courage to lift a finger of complaint, and so I sup- s long as children insist on goin’ t’ school, these worthless schools will keep on openin’, oud class. pose, as The Modern Wedding Service by Frank H. Williams ‘T O YOU take this woman for wife and promise to sleep in the garage with the dog when her family come to visit you? Drawn by BOARDMAN RowINSON. Elderly Lady—It isn’t only their clothes—they’re built different “Do you promise to share and share your cigarettes with her alike until death do you part? “Do you promise always to cherish your wife in’ sickness and in health through the customary newly-wed deli- sen route? “Do you promise to love, honor and obey her slightest wish with regard to wearing your golf knickers? “Do you promise to endow her with all your worldly minus the usual allowances for income tax, State tax, city tax, county tax, amusement tax, lodge dues and raisin’ bills? “Do you promise to ably abet your wife in deluding friends and neighbors into thinking that your income is larger and your social standing greater than they » forever and ever, Amen and Amen? Howard—Holding hands led to their engagement. Jay—Yes, his fingering was followed by her fin ring. Rnd ‘s Beers—What is the now, my dear? Tears—Why, Tve just been reading here that the world’s supply of coal will be exhausted in’ twelve hundred years, and I can’t help crying when I think of how cold the poor people will be when it is all gone. ery She—Since we were mar- ried you don’t tell me you love me half so much as you did before. He—I didn’t want to hurt your feclings, but I do love you. Just about half as much, Rha 1 trousers which you from your tailor on credit be called breeches of trust? soe Agatha— Would you marry a man who has wasted his money in riotous living? Harriett—Oh, I don't know! Has he any money left? ery A correspondent asks if it could be construed act if one were to ca scarlet fever. tae Professor Puler—My assistant must be a sound, healthy man with good, rich blood. The Job Seeker—What’s the id Professor Pulex—Part of his duties will be to feed my troupe of trained fleas, ato It is not our intention to be personal or to knock anybody, but it’s a good thing that twins are not more common. Pd It is our serious opinion that the real reason Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard was to get herself a shot of home-brew, Night Shift 3 comicbooks.com