Judge — September 23, 1922 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

As We Were by Arthur TH. Polwell HE hig issue these days is “senior- ity.” It is union labor's most precious asset, and the great union of the Public is not without it, either. In the Public’s Union, those who are oldest are entitled to the swiftest kicks. Rattal If it hadn't appeared in the sober and reliable “Scientific American should have been doubtful about its truth, but pearing, what could one do. but eve it? A Klondike barber, whose equipment included a cyanide tank, realized $100 in gold per ton of hair from the miners whom he scissored. Perhaps some barber might get his winter's fucl hy shampooing the heads of coal miners. we S° CONGRESS is “going to put teeth” J in the Labor Board’s rulings. This reminds us somehow of the old thriller, “Blue Jeans,” and its whirring buzz saw. The teeth of the saw were real and ter- rible—children in the audience used to burst out crying from sheer fright—but somebody invariably saved the victim at every performance before the teeth could bite him. ry Now that booze is being smug; kewpie dolls, no baby carrying one is safe from search and seizure. Pad Making the war sign at jazz, Chief Red Knife of the Walpole Indians said in part: “The braves and squaws want to dance all night and then refuse to work next day.” Well, well, can’t the great chief that his braves and are attaining the very peak of white man civilization? see squaws With prohibition jokes barred on the Keith circuit, it is easy to see what will happen next. hitherto dealt in openly, will be bootlegged by vaude- It will be a common experience to be thus addressed by a furtive-eyed, blue-chinned person in a Keith lobby: “Mister, if you'd like some prime home-brew jokes, meet me around by the stage door after the show and I'll fix you up at ville performers on the quiet. a dollar apiece.” The Hollywood bathing girls should begin to diet. A’ grandson of the man who shod Lincoln took Harding’s measure the other article. y for the custom-made Not y President can com filling Lincoln’s shoes as that. tote Pa., now famous two floods. One, of water, in 1889. other, of real beer, in 1922. Wheeler and Volstead would re; 19 for The Johnstown, is 2 HE liquor which prohibition seize and send sewerward can- not, of course, be of good quality. If were, Uncle Sam would requisition it for sale on Ameri- can liners, thus sav- ing the Shipping Board. the of stocking up in Eng- land. agents te For head of the class in consistency, we recommend Juli- ette D. Chicago actress. Starring professionally in “Her Temporary Husband,” she has just been granted a divorce in’ private life. Booze jests, St *XTRACT from the Germ and Microbe Trade Jour- Is Saying Nature Studies by W. EF. Hill September number outlook is distinetl encouraging. — While bus ness is still far from good, note of optimism is ev where audible. The Gov ernment. skirt report jus issued from Washington docs much to confirm this. Skirts are six inches nearer the dirt and still falling; good news indeed for the germ industr, Another year, it is believed will sce confidence fully re stored and new business op. portunities at every crossing, as in the days before the war. Prosperity is just around the corner.” tas nal, street There is not much danger of golf supplanting baseball as America’s national game. Imagine a gallery of bleach- crites observing golf etiquette and keeping silent cal moment ofp the American national gan must be one in’ which you can yell your head off in an effort to rattle somebody. toast A huge pool of oil has been discovered in the Gulf of Mexico. Here is one pool at least which didn’t. ori: Wall St toe “The new long skirt is a wonderful thing for the dance,” says Chairman Bot! of the dance reform committee. “It will do away,” he adds, “with some of the freaky steps, because in long skirts girls will be unable to execute them easily." Tut, tut, innocent one! They may decirk to “park” their skirts. sas The old-time farmer is passing, says a State agriculturist happily. Maybe so, but he isn’t passing at a dizzy pace. True, he no longer buys gold bricks from “slick city fellers,” but he still falls hard for “emergency tariffs,” which amount to the same thing when he opens. the pe . erry Snakes are taking the pli poodles in the best London society. milady’s town car, what could be mor gracefully decorative than a pet putl- adder coiled about the orchid vase? Pal Middlemen in all lines of business are increasing at such a rate that minstrel troupes this fall will go on the road with two end-men and seven interlocutors. tt Another good feature about lengthen ing skirts is that girls can now wear ‘em with lisle tops and nobody can tell “em from the all-silk kind.