Judge — September 16, 1922 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“And you, Jones? I know you never used to touch the stuff. You didn’t abuse those who did, but you said you . for physiological reasons.” “As I did. But the law is a great in- centive. Tt awakens long-dormant app tites and creates new desires. I have made passable wine from elderberries, vod brandy from cherri¢ r beer from the usual ingredients generally on sale and am now experimenting with figs and mandrake.” . “Ah! Then it is not sunburn!” said rabbe, pointing at Jones’ nose Perhaps not. And you? You were a teetotaler in the old s. But come around and see me. [ll give you some- thing that will cure vc uldness.”” “No, thank you. Too dangerous. I never drink anything I don’t concoct myself.” Romance by Chet Shafer ROMANCE is the specific reason for part payments on furniture. It is a co-educational institution that flourishes copiously in. the spring and summer, lags off some in the fall, and passes out completely in the winter unless the cannel coal burns brightly in the grate and the old folks are out bidding on some No Trumps. It is directly respon- sible for orchids, welcome mats, baby talk and alimony. Romance begins when he looks into her big brown eyes and tells her that he has decided for sure she’s his umpsy-gaboofus. And it ends when she looks into his big, black orbs after she has knoe! him for a centennial celebration and calls him ze When a romance is bud- ding he promises everything. After it’s over he wants a change of venue. Ro- mance springs up swiftly, blooms radi- antly and while it lasts it’s just darli but when she begins to audit his trouser balance every night and makes serious inroads on his Kelly pool fund, she’s soon out of luck unless she has plenty of customers and turns a mean wringer, Romance may be either passive. or active. But it is certain to be ¢ i \ well-developed romance, say about a Size 87 on a EE last, costs all there is of the salary after the landlady has been stalled off for another wee! Romance financing is one of the toughest economi- cal problems of youth. It keeps down the percentage of gross bachelority and materi: the net spinsterage, but not one has been engineered that could withstand the heartless attack of the butcher and grocer. Unless the nose- bags are handy a romance quickly be- comes entirely historical. Romance puts songs in the souls of the single-footers and sixpence in the socks of the sermon shouters. During — the golden hours of its upward growth she holds his hands to keep him from leavin her. Afterwards he holds hers to k her from busting him on the beezer. Romance makes a man absent-minded hough to forget his ancestry, his political preference and his lodge nights. But never has a romance been recorded that was powerful enough to make a woman forget her galoches. beg froma alaly-pep for every spy a smelling ‘em out —and so the police are now organizing a new detective bureau which ought to be most efficient Playing the Game by Carolyn Wells WHEN IT go with my friends to ride h sweetly glide Their motor car Along the scenic countryside; Stunning! Magnificent! Stupendous! Amazing! Wonderful! Tremendous! Majestic! Overpowering! Splendid! Sublime! Exquisite! Grand! Extended! Enchanting! Pictu-resque! Extensive! Wild! Panoramic! Comprehensive! Inspiring! Thrilling! Most enthralling! Impressive! Marvelous! Appalling! Beauti-ful! Stunning! Simply great! The very finest in the State! Gorgeous! Enchanting! Glorious! Fine! Harmonious! Heavenly! Divine! Lovely! Artistic! Fascinating! Inspiriting and elevating! Colorful! Wondrous! B Incredible! Immense! Terrifie! ‘These are the adjectives T use When I'm expected to enthuse While motoring through the mountain views. And as we dash o'er hill and g If I but use enough, why, ther I shall be asked to go again! ttt Hemmandhaw—T've invented a new rubber heel. What would you name it? Shimmerpater—Why not’ call it “The Eavesdropper”? “Don’t look around—but who is that stunning girl with Dick?” “I’m not surprised that you don’t recognize her. Do you remember plain little Mary Brown in our year—well—” comicbooks.com