Judge — September 9, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHINNING AND ENDURANCE RACE CROSS-COUNTRY HUNDRED YARD DASH TO THE STATION THE DISCUS THROWER people of this extinct civilization which T uncovered must have been a good deal like ourselves. Upon reaching a point where the broken glass began to assay about fourteen hundred pounds to the ton I discovered it was only milk bottles. In the next strata glass gin stoppers began to apy The soil grew. pro- gressively richer. Solid rock eventually made further excavation so difficult: that I was reminded of the striking resem- blance between exercise and hard work. But if only I had possessed the energy to slash away through this barrier and’ un- cover even older civilizations L believe I might have made the startling discovery that the entire history of the world is a mere record of the fluctuation of mankind from gin to milk and back to gin again. Unfortunately these great cosmic tides are slow moving. It is extremely doubtful whether any of us will live on into the next age of gin. N SPITE of the richness of the soil the radishes never came up. Possibly the seeds were planted too deeply. Per- haps the young radishes decided to stay down in the giny depths. Something came up but Twas never able to determine Just what it might be. It lived and died unknown. But even if I had achieved radishes I doubt whether I should have found them particularly satisfactory from the point of view of exercise. There is small chance to introduce the e spirit into gardening. Even an enthu- siast must get tired of sitting beside the tiny green things and of — shouting, “Attaboy! Come on, you radish!” Veg- etable matter is singularly unresponsive to rooting. There is some exercise value in simple household duties, but here again the im- possibility of improving vour game makes the sport grow. tiresome after awhile. Wheeling a baby carriage cannot really become a diversion by your. pro- ficiency at it does not vary from day to day as in golf. Nobody can come home with a carri nd sun himself in’ the pride : “T went all the way around the block and never made a mis- take.” A person of average intelligence can wheel a carr just as well the first day as any other. There is no technique to it, no difficult quirks of style by which one may mark his growing skill. Sweeping is a little better. There is some trick to this. The man who uses: his wrists and perfects a follow through will get along much better than the fellow akes each movement a stab, The yout sweeping which offends me is the uselessness of it all. After all what good purpose is served by taking all the dust from one end of a room and driving it into the other? One might as well make a practice of going around waking LAWN- MOWER RACE THROWING THE HAMMER ~ BROUN BEATING HIMSELF AT HANDBALL Loneline by Justin Funn WISH I knew the folks next door- These city ways are such a bore! For sociability T pine; I see their washing on the line And rugs out airing—just a score; T hear their vacuum cleaner’s roar, Their children running ‘cross the floor. But—have they noticed me or mine? I wish I knew! Some day (unable to stand more) Shall T their friendliness implore? Shall I invite myself to dine With them? (Say, wouldn't that be fine?) I'm wondering—would they be sore? I wish I knew! - fiken—You say Orlando Umson’s uncle Henry lost his life from: exposure in the West? Payne—Yeah. him for stealing a horse. pen “Was Blank’s home brew a suc “Yes. His house was insured above its value.” Some one peached on a Lament of the girl with the limited “Buy in style, make over in comicbooks.com