Judge — September 9, 1922 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“What! You express surprise that our bill is $22,000 over the estimate? My dear sir, did you think that for the $18,000 agreed upon we could build you the sort of house your luxurious taste demanded?” Sto “What of those changes you de- manded in March? And moving the door in December? And moving it back again in May? You will cer- tainly not call $784.56 exorbitant for that.” ries to “In July, you unreasonably insisted on greater speed in construction. We graciously complied. We took our workman off of three other houses so that his entire time might be given to you! More extra expense!” Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best First Prize A NEW prison chaplain had just been appointed. He had big ideas as to the importance of his offic During his first round of in- spection he entered one of the cells, and in a very pompous manner said to the prisoner who occupied it, “Well, my man, do you know who nonchalant reply. “Well, I'm your new chaplain.” “Oh, you are?” have heard of you b “What did you hear?” inquired rgetting his dignity the chaplain, in his curiosity. “Well, I heard that the last two churches you were in you preached them both empty, but T don’t think you'll find it such an easy matter to dot » same thing here.” Second Prize THE bishop of a certain district was waiting for a train at an out-of-the- way station. Seeing a stranger eyi him curiously he nodded to him carelessly, fearing he might be slighting an over- looked acquaintance. “Excuse me, mister.” said the stranger to the bishop, “but I think I've seen your picture in the papers.” “Very probably,” answered the bishop. “Kin I inquired the stranger, edging nearer, “what you was cured of” ae FP BERE was company at the house, and mother told the visitors what a fine boy Harold was—how he washed the dishes and helped to do all the work. After luncheon had been served, Harold was busy washing the dishes while mother was entertaining the comp Sud- y the kitchen door opened and Harold appeared. “Mother,” he asked, “do you want Mrs. Harris’ dishes and spoons kept separate ? Harold’s stock dropped and mother’s day was spoiled. ll others at regular rates HE big car was speeding toward a railroad crossing when a fast moving freight train moved into sight. Imme- diately the two men in the front. seat began an argument as to whether or not they could beat the train. “Don't get excited!” cried the driver. “TL tell you T can easily make it.” “And T tell you y" can’t!” shouted the other man. “The train will beat us by minutes.” The driver kept increasing the speed of the car while the argument continued. Finally, the man in the rear seat, who, up to this time, had remained quiet. fran- tically clutching the sides of the car, could nd it no longer. “We he shouted, “LT don't give a damn who wins this race, but I hope it ain't no ti rent ITTLE Ethel had spent the day at her aunt’s and had been much interested in the new cuckoo clock. Telling her father about it that evening, she cried excitedly: “Oh, Daddy! Auntie has a new clock and every little while there's a bird comes out and sneezes!” Talal Kew ae “I love the country,” said the young city man on vacation; “everything smacks of freshness.” “Maybe so,” replied the rural maiden, “but freshness gets no smacks here.” 1s Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. r-old Charles was visiting a country auction with his father and older brother. The little chap did not say much during the morning, being too. interested in the strange things about him: and at noon, being very hungry, the bountiful lunch which his mother had packed for them claimed his attention But even hungry. little have a limit. He had almost gone the round of the lunch basket, but there remained for him a great piece of chocolate cake. Hc took the cake and like most small boys, began with t frosting. When that the cake assumed proportions far beyond his capacity. After gazing a moment at the now unattractive cake, he turned echingly to his brother and holding out the cake asked, “How much am I offered for thith pieth of cake?” His brother, witl riority, é eae kre! R-ve boys bese ght-year-old supe- othing.” id Charles, and solemnly -frosted cake to his brother's Rnd ye meanest man on record is’ said to live in) Shrewsbury, Mass. He sold his son-in-law one half of a cow, and then refused to divide the milk, main- taining that he sold only the front half. The buyer was also required to feed the cow and carry water to her three times a day. Recently, the cow hooked the old man, and now he is suing his son-in-law for da c Reed ITTLE Jane's) mother had just en new maid named Mary, whose appearance was not exactly pre- sessing, and to whom Jane did not p ta Just at this time, Jane, cars old, was very much . and one day 1 to lid God make the ake a fane: who is th interested in her mother, “ fruit and the flowers Her mother, of course, answered, “Yes, darling.” 1 he make you and daddy, sister and me?” “Of course, dear.” “Well, mother, did he make Mary?” “Yes, dea “Why did he? comicbooks.com