Judge — August 26, 1922 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

} 5 To a Flapper by Theda Kenyon OQ" FLAPPER, of flat shameless knees, Prepared for sports whose names you hardly know, Breathing of daisy fields, and glow With honest blue; blow Jauntily out, as on a mountain breeze, And wonder, just a little, at the dream heels and skies that I watch your muffler That underlies your age-old, city. life Your langh drowns out the city traffic’s strife Perhaps—[ wouldn't want you—for a wife I must admit you awe me. Yet, you seem Po challenge me to tell the bitter truth: [like the brutal frankness of your gaze: I like your swinging walk, and fearless ways; [ike theea I love—your youth! “ rness that crowns yourdays; “ The Sneeze hy Chet Shafer PIS doubtful if anything is under- valued generally by the plodding peons in this land as the sneeze, Nowhere does it receive the unqualified support of the now fully motorized public and, exeept for rare instances, it is given no consideration, — Lacking all semblance of dignified charm, yet o lowing with rare possibilities, it is almost always un- favorably considered. Sneismiographic records of the United States Bureau of Weights and Measures show that only ten full-fledged persons ficance to it. quite about one in eve attach any sn records further show that fourteen per cent. never allow a sneeze to develop into more than a stifled “Pch-teh” and that sixty-eight per cent., while not quite so successful in holding it in, never achieve more than adecided “Ump-pish.” Few, indeed, are those bozos who cut loose with unrestrained zest and snecze to the line, letting the whuffs fall where they ma, It is a lamentable fact that the domestic per capita sneezage is only .027. eee “Pm glad IT am not dispensing the hooch that is sold nowadays,” declared the ex-bartender. Why?” The old stuff started enough argu- ment.” rd “What. shall I campaign about? I haven't done anything for the people.” “Sure you have, Senator, sure you have. flourishing and Liberty Bonds Crops are up. ee In past years the business man went fishing to get away from the rush at the Wonder what exeuse he'll find Td Scientists have discov is the cause of divore the cause of marriage? red that insanity What then, is exey Roughly speaking, our highways ready for the vacation tourist. are Anita Stewart tells of “Cynthie’s Courtin’”’ One day Walt he tuk Seth Jones’ darter, Cynthie, a-drivin’. But, shucks, Walt jes’ couldn’t get up enough spunk t’ look sideways at her. _““Whoa,” sez Walt, and he pulled up his hoss. Photogray 3 by Witte Stupto; Cynthie calls Walt’s notis t’ a couple o’ turtledoves a-sittin’ out on a rail fence. Cynthie sez t’ Walt, sez she: “Lookit, Walt, them birds a-kissin’.” _An’ the fust thing y’ knowed, them birds wuz a-watchin’ an’ gittin’ pointers.