Judge — August 12, 1922 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bridegroom affection) —Well, darling, I must leave you—to fire the furnace. Bride (calmly )—All right, what are you waiting for? Just because Tread the comic papers is no sign I'm going to ruin my complexion by weeping on your shoulder! rer Bride (hopefully)—But your married life has been a success, hasn't it Granny? Grandmother (cautiously) —Well, yes, it has, my dear—so far! Mr. Henpeck (after the storm)—At least it’s cheering to remember there was one man whose married life was happy. Sven though he had so many wives he couldn't count 1 Mrs. Henpeck (virtuously)—Well, I'm sure if you had half the wisdom of Solo- mon Mr. Henpeck—L wasw't thinking of Solomon, my dear. [referred to Landru. Enthusiast (delightedly)— And yet they all faith is dead in the world!) Why, chap just told me he absolutely be- lieves that all married people are uiterly 1 blissfully happy! » also believes in Santa d_ effective Prohibi- yer with him.” Claus, Free Silv tion. That's his ke toe Gamester—There’s young Benedict rav- ing about wedded blis: in! Trickster—Yes, it’s got so we all call him the Wedded Blister. Surely you won't begrudge Mr. Henpeck his little dream of true wedded bliss “Ah—er—why weepest thou?” Old Maid—Oh, sir! Don't you see? They've put me in the Wedded Bliss Number of Judge, where all the men are married! Boo, hoo! Qo If Re-Kiplinged by George Mitchell I YOU can keep your wife when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can stint yourself and. she not doubt you, Nor her allowance ever cut in two: If you can lamp and not be tired by lamping Or stand the fire from some young flap. per's eyes; Or being vamped don't give away to vamping And yet don't look too good nor talk too wise; Tf you can drink, these days of prohibition, The stuff they serve to you and call home-m: If vou can ke wishin’ For just one shot of honest lemonade; If you can feel a pride in this great Nation, Idealize the man for whom you vote; If you can work up any adulation For Congress and not call yourself a goat; ) your mind from. vainly If you can make one heap of your wife's winnings And risk it on one spin of Together with her mothe ginnings And take their censure if you lose the “break”; Tf you can eat the fleshless bone and sinew Served up to you each night when you come home And say you're filled when there is noth- ing in you Except the calves’ brains in your foolish and Take. If you can jazz in crowds and keep your virtue nee with queens nor fall for them too much; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you Each time they subtly hit you for a “touch”: If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty second’s sanctity, my son; Yours is the earth and everything that’s in it But, oh, my boy—vou're missing all the fun! Or « Groom—Begorra, if Oi'’d known it wuz loike this Oi'd ‘a’ got marricd sooner. comicbooks.com