Judge — August 5, 1922 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stor ies to Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best First Prize RED-HEADED Irish boy once 2X applied for a position” in a messenger — office. The manager, after hiring him. sent him on an er. rand in one of the most fashionable districts. Half an hour later” the manager was called to’ the phone and the following conversation took pl “Have vou a red-headed boy work- ing for you?” “Yes. “Well, this is the janitor at the Oakwood Apartments, whi your boy came to deliver a mess: He insisted on coming in the front way, t that Twas Was so persiste Ito draw a gun Good heavens! You didn’t shoot him, did you but T want my gun Second Prize and fore ministers of the colored suasion were out hunting rabbits in the Carolina hills one day, and) while sitting on a log for a brief rest began a ins of inducing eneration to per- s| WO discussion of ways and ny a heedless and) perverse come to church. “One of de most effectivest ways dat I've found, so fah.” said the first speaker, the Reverend Vanderbilt University dack- son, “is to give out a “nouncement dat sorter excites de cu'iosity of de conger gation. “Sich as which?” demanded the Rev- erend George Washington Sims, who led, originally, from Missouri. “Well, LT don’t know dat TE could: give you a bettah example of jes’ what Emeans dan to repeat: my “houncement of last Sunday mawnin’. It sho" brung out a crowd dat taxed de capacity of de ole Galilee edifice.” The Reverend Mr. Sims made a mental note of the sounding phrase of his gifted rticulars of the potent announe “It was nothin’ mo" ner less dan dis: “Come out ter-night, one an’ all, an” bring yo" frien’s. You will find yo" time well spent, ca’se it’s my aim an” intention ter All others at regular rates. explain de unexplainable, define de unde finable, an’ unserew de unserutable!” Prey WHEN Louis was four was taken by his mothe to) visit the Zool ul Gardens in’ Washington. He expressed at delight) before the monkey's ci ested in’ the animals. But it was when they came toa | stork sleepily standing upon one the little fellow seemed most impr For a moment he stood there in silence then cried out in a solemn and expectant little voice, “Stork, here's Louis again!” ud was intensely inter- i and other OTS, that sed. te ASTUS, high private in the rear rank, was distinetly unlucky. Bor vari ous petty misdemeanors he had been in . and t overs the hoosegow for several we morrow his regiment — went . With some difficulty he prevailed upon his company officer to it hime a mid night pass for the last n Armed with his pass, and arrayed in all . he approached the white rded the camp gates. his martial gk “Countersign?” “Countersign! Don’? “bout no countersi, “Well, yo the counters' Rastus thought it over and his ACES high within him. : time had come for action, With a swift motion he produced a razor from his put- tee and flourished it open under the sen- try’s nose: “Lissen, Mistuly Sentry, Ah don’ want to stahit no trouble, tut—Ah ta mother in heaven, and a father in mdoaogal in this yeah town, and hhuah gwine to see one of dem to- know nuthin’ camp without Ahm eeey HE haughty young damsel was “help- n. and doing her best by lively ¢ to make the boys feel that they be doright in her set. “And what will you have?” she g ciously inquired of a morose doughboy sitting alone at a table. “A ham sandwich and tion,” was the reply. ing out” at ho conversa- Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted FYERYONE occasionally runs across 4 one of these talkative travelers who love to relate their experiences to anyone who will listen to them, During a trip across the continent, a prominent U. S. Senator (whose name we shall keep in confidence), encountered one of | these irrepressible spirits. The bore was just describing a scene in the African jungles when an attack was made upon him by a ferocious tiger and the fact that his listener was paying little or no attention to his words did not seem to bother him in’ the least. Not a sound could be heard through- out the forest.” repeated the bore for the fourteenth time, ‘The dense shadows, the solemn stillness, the soft rustling of the leaves in the tre tone suffi- cient to fill the bravest heart with dark forcbodings. But. suddenly a huge, half starved tiger appeared before me not ten fect away. The ¢ 1, startled by my unexpected appr crouched, about . Wel to spring. There was but one bullet left in my gun. Nothing daunted, [aimed deliberately for his heart and fired. The animal fell.” The speaker paused dra- mnatically. MY hey.” yawned — the or wearily, “and what did he trip over? I le had been brought up ina very strict. Congregational — minister's home. Once the family was visiting in the home of an Episcopalian minister and little Helen was very eager to hear him preach. At breakfast Sunday the ques- tion of church attendance came up. Helen kept still just as long as she could and then burst forth with: “Oh, paj If you'll only let us go to hear him preach, we'll promise not to believe one word he says!” ttt TEACHER who was doing substi- #2 tute work during the illness of a third fe teacher read) the children a story about George and his bachelor uncle, and asked: “Do you all know what a bachelor uncle is Only one hand in the room was raised. “All right,” said the teacher, to little Eugene, “You tell us.” “Well, Tdon’t know exactly,” said the child, “but you're the opposite, ain't you?” comicbooks.com