Judge — July 15, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Lady” of the House—'Iggins, when you've got time, I want this bed filled with spittoonias—London Mail. ‘THE big business man in some novels is a terrible mixture of hardness and alertness. He reminds one of the man who came down one ~ morning for breakfast and found his wife missing. “Hannah!” he shouted. “Hannah!” No reply. So he went up again to | look for her. He discovered her in the upper hall. She had fallen down a flight of stairs, and lay unconscious at the bottom. Then the man’s mixture of hard- ness and alertness made itself evident. Quick as a flash he leaned over the banister and yelled: “Cook, cook! Only boil one egg this morning!"—London Opinion. rad ONE of our good pastors is going to devote his sermon to-morrow evening to the question, as he considers it, whether newspapers tell the truth, and we will state here and now that we will match any obituary notice we ever wrote against what he said at the funeral and enter the contest unafraid. —Ohio State Journal. Sts OLD RIP VAN WINKLE woke up from his long sleep. “By gosh!” he cried. spring!” In order to make sure, he began hunting around for a bock beer sign. Finding none, he thought he must be mistaken and went back to sleep again. —New York Sun. te OUIS K. LIGGETT, the well-known drug magnate who failed and then paid off his creditors in full, was con- gratulated by a Boston reporter on so highly honorable an act. “I believe in business honor,” said Mr. Liggett, “though the business honor of some men reminds you of the golf club that had to put up the rule: “‘Notice—Members must refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.’ ”°—Minneapolis Tribune. “This is like LA t \ od et “Be mine and I shall be the happiest of mortals,” No. I'll remain as I am. I also want to be happy.” — Karikaturen (Christiania). Sas Another seeming anomaly is a chap- eron with hardly any skirt on—Ohio State Journal. D Cm tf \ in ide au i 4, Gj / I) pt walked into a cigar store. * After getting into the telephone booth he called a wrong number. As there was no such number the switch attendant did not answer him. Pat shouted again, but received no answer. The girl in the store opened the door and told him to shout a little louder, which he did, but still no answer. Again she said he would be required to speak louder. Pat got angry at this, and, turning to the lady, said: “Begorra, if I could shout any louder I wouldn’t use your bloomin’ ould tele- phone at all!”—Tit-Bits (London). Rad “Learnin’,” said Uncle Eben, “is mighty useful if you kin use it, but it’s a drawback if it don’ do nuffin’ but permote conversation.” —Washington Star. Ry HE man who has struck one of those rare not-so-very-prohibition parties and didn’t want to leave it had made two unsuccessful attempts to get into the telephone booth, the third time negotiating it like a ferry going into a strange slip. He dropped his nickel in. “H'llo, h'llo, h’llo,” he cried. “Say, gimme Line’s Busy, thass good girl. H’llo, whassat, line’s busy? Aw right.” He staggered out. “Lord knows I tried to get her, any- way,” he murmured.—Los Angeles Times. ts “Did you interview the eminent statesman?” “Yes.” “What did he have to say?” “Nothing.” “I know that. But how many col- umns of it?”—Louisville Courier-Jour- nal. Departing Guest—Only fools and millionaires would pay these prices. Hotel Clerk—We've had no complaints from the latter, sir—London Weekly Telegraph. 22 | | ] |