Judge — July 1, 1922 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEN you lend a guy a dime And he pays it back in time— That's borrowing. If you lend a guy a jit And you’re still waiting for it— That's experience! —New York Medley. tas “What's the matter?” “She's rejected me again, and she says this is final.” “Did she say how final?” queried his married friend.—Mass, Tech. Voo Doo, Sas He—I'm half inclined to kiss you. She—How stupid of me! I thought you were round-shouldered. And she turned her ultra-red lips upwards.—Minnesota Ski-u-mah. [Seen Jack—I see they gave up the idea of putting telephone wires underground. Queen—Yes, they had to keep up the conversation.—Notre Dame Juggler. tds Customer (in book store)—I ‘want the last word in dictionaries. Clerk—Yes, sir. Zythum.—Yale Record. SAS HERE was a man who loved the bees; He always was their friend. He used to sit upon their hives, But they stung him in the end (finally). —Johns Hopkins Black and Blue Jay. Sas "7 WAS not for your fairy-like figure, Nor yet for your angel-like face; ‘Twas not for your title of heiress, Nor yet for your exquisite grace. For none of these things I adored you— Though all of unsurpassed type— But ‘twas for the hair-pin you gave me, When parting, to clean out my pipe. —Columbia Jester. With the College Wits Irrepressible, Joyous, Irresponsible Nebuchadnezzar was the king Who chewed up all the grass; Made shredded wheat a thing to eat, The simple, silly ass. —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. SIS “I wish I were a radiator,” The young man softly sighed. “For then three quarts of alcohol They'd give to me inside.” —Texas Scalper. sas Jasper—So you joined a_ secret society. Did they make you ride the goat? Gasper—No; the Chief Exalted made me ride for two hours in a flivver I sold him a year ago.—Grinnell Mal- teaser, re Prof. (lecturing on Passive Hedon- ism)—Now, how are we to separate ourselves from the unpleasant. things in life? Soph.—Divorce.—Stanford Chapar- ral. Brushing her heir. —Williams Purple Cow. 21 LASst night my wife Came home very late, And I asked her Where she had been, And she hesitated And looked rattled, But finally replied That she had been visiting Her friend, Alice, Whom I knew well. It was not the truth, But what was I to say, Since I had come in But a minute before, After having spent A very enjoyable evening With this same Alice? —Stevens Tech. Stone Mill. “Marie certainly has a large vocabu- lary.” “Yes, I've told her she should take more exercise.”—California Pelican, Se “The style of girls’ clothes nowa- days reminds me of a barbed wire fence.” “Howzat?” “They protect the property, but don’t obstruct the view.”—Ambherst Lord Jef. SIs (THERE was a young sculptor named Phidias, Whose statues were terribly hideous, Till he made Aphrodite Without any nightie, And we had to take licker to stiddy us. —Michigan Gargoyle. Pas “My father weighed only four pounds when he was born.” “Great heavens, did he live?”"—Har- vard Lampoon. Sas Ethel—No, I would never marry a man to reform him. Agnes—Well, I don’t think myself that harsh measures are the best.— Columbia Jester. comicbooks.com