Judge — July 1, 1922 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“With eyes more tenderly radiant” one VINCENT Ketey - 22 Ne NS \ YOU by Cyril B. Egan Mustration by Tuomas Vixcest Keutr OU are not The most remarkable woman I have ever met— Neither are you the most beautiful, The wisest, Or wittiest. T know other gentle ladies With eyes more tenderly radiant, Voices more musically mellow, With a deeper sense of humor Than yours. You are not Helen of Troy, Neither are you Minerva, Nor yet Mary Garden, But You are You (Which is infinitely better than being any of these things); And I like you very much— T even begin to think love you. A Tonsorial Tragedy E SAT upon a park bench, dazed, seemingly without an interest in life. But the patient and persist- ent efforts of our Social Investigator resulted in finally obtaining the following statement from him: “I was a barber, honored in my pro- fession. I was first chair at The Acme Aseptic Tonsorial Parlors, Painless Bar- bering With Music. It was my proud boast that no patron ever sat in my chair believing he only wanted a shave or a hair cut but what I jobbed him into taking a shampoo, a massage, or a mani- cure, at least. “One day a stalwart, blustering, breezy, prosperous appearing man of fifty en- tered and took my chair, By Roy L. McCarpeELi IVE me ashave,’” he said. “ ‘I am from the great open spaces of the West where men are men. For thirty years I have roughed it and en- dured hardships and penury. But a week ago I struck it rich. I am now a multi-millionaire and I am going to satisfy my one ambition, the longing of a life- time—'"” “*Hair’s a little thin, sir, better have a singe,’ I interrupted. “‘Shoot!’ he replied, ‘and I was saying—" “Better let me give it a tar and egg shampoo first,’ I remarked. ‘Of course, your hair needs to be trimmed.” “*As you say. Yes, for thirty years—’ “*And a facial massage?” 12 E NODDED assent, for I had his mouth full of sea foam—the sugar of lead makes it taste sweet. Well, to make a long story short, while he was telling me about his years of prospecting in the desert and finally striking a bonanza lode of raw gold and the great object in | life that had held him steadfast, he never | said ‘no’ once as I jobbed him down the line. He had a shave, a hair cut, a tar and egg shampoo, a hair singe, a hair dye, a facial massage, an electric vibra- | tion treatment, extra facial creams and tonics and lotions, a manicure with extras, two moles removed with the elec- tric needle, eyebrow treatment, chiropody —seven items and a shoe shine. Besides I sold him remedies for sunburn and Continued on page 30)