Judge — June 24, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Doctor—Ah, your cough is much better to-day. Patient—Yes. I have practiced it all night—Karikaturen (Christiania). Seanad ME. WISEHUB thought he was pretty shrewd. When he picked up a girl who was waiting for a street car and motored her to town in his nifty roadster, he managed to worm her telephone num- ber out of her in a number of cases. He kept the numbers on the back of an envelope in his coat pocket. One day his wife happened to find it there when he had his coat off, and demanded an explanation. He had to do some fancy lying to prove an alibi. He told her they were the telephone numbers of business firms, but she seemed so dubious about it that next day he hit on what he thought was s peach of a scheme. Thereafter when he took down any- body’s telephone number he placed a dollar mark in front of it. Surely that would throw wifey off the scent. But one day she looked at it and frowned. Mr. Wisehub chuckled. “John,” she said, “now 1 know where all our money goes. No wonder I never have any clothes. This must be a record of your garage bills on that darned old ca: Florida Times- Union. oon “Nobody tries to stop card playing in Crimson Gulch.” “It's valuable for its social influ- ence,” replied Cactus Joe. “I thought friendship ceased in a poker game?” “On the contrary, a poker game is the only occasion on which some of the boys really suspend hostilities.”— Washington Star. the World’s Humor W HILE riding across country one day a man came to a stream. “Is it deep?” he asked a little boy playing on the bank. “No, sir,” replied the youngster. And the man started across, but before reaching the other side both he and his horse were forced to swim. “I thought you said it wasn’t deep?” he shouted back to the boy. “It ain't,” answered the youngster. “It only takes grandpa’s ducks up to their middles."—Windsor Magazine. acon “Well, well, young gentlemen!” ex- claimed the affable old person. “I'd give a great deal to be able to join in your sport.” “Stick around, grandpop,” said one sturdy youngster. “If we knock this ball through somebody's window we'll let you go for it."—Birmingham Age- Old Lady (to driver of motor chara- banc)—I want you to drive very care- fully—I’ve got two dozen eggs in this basket!—London Opinion. ooo Mrs. Hemmandhaw—I think our new girl must have worked at a lunch counter. Mrs. Shimmerpate—Why? “When she wanted to know if we wanted wheat or buckwheat cakes for breakfast she asked: ‘Blondes or bru- nettes?’"—Youngstown Telegram. o-oo “When I works,” said Uncle Eben, “I gits along better wifout a helper, unless I kin find enough foh him to do to keep him f’um thinkin’ he’s a audi- ence.” —Washington Star. ~~ The difference between a necessity and a luxury is that you can do with- out a necessity without losing the re- spect of the neighbors —Birmingham News. Street Peddler—Here y’are, sir. Most useful preparation in the world. Only fifteen cents and one spoonful can take ten spots out of your trousers. Henry Peck—Hmpf! Don’t need any. My wife did that little thing for me only last night while I was asleep. —American Legion Weekly. ~ “Hello, papa!” said his little daugh- ter, calling him up on the phone. “Hello, dear! What is it?” “I wish you'd bring me some c-a-n-d-y when you come home this evening.” “All right, but why do you spell it out?” “'’Cause I don’t want anybody else to know what I'm saying.”—Boston Transcript. oS ONE afternoon a young man in shirt sleeves was wheeling a baby car- riage back and forth before a small house near the National park in Wash- ington. He looked hot but contented. “My dear,” came a voice from an upper window of the house. “No, let me alone,” he called back. “We're all right.” An hour later the same voice, again in earnest, pleading tones: “Arthur, dear!” “Well, what do you want?” he re- sponded. “Anything wrong in the house?” “No, Arthur, dear, but you have been wheeling Clara’s doll all the afternoon. Isn't it time for the baby to have a turn?”—Louisville Courier-Journal, eet Man in Car (to ar)—Go to hell! Beggar es, that’s all right for you. You have a car!—Karikaturen (Chris- tiania).