Judge — June 3, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

cha come and catch our canary? An English newspaper is printing choice bits of broken English as over- heard by its readers. Two examples follow, which are considered the most amusing: A coffee-room waiter, who said he was a Swiss, replying to a guest ordering breakfast: “Tongue iss no more, shickken never vos. How you like your eggs voilt, tight or loose?” The other concerns an enraged Port- uguese, who turned upon his opponent and spat out: “If I did know ze English for ze box, I would blow your nose, by damn, I am."—New York Evening Post. Fred Hetherington owns a barking dog. He also has in his employ as a house boy a young darky. Dog and boy don’t seem to belong to the same lodge. Every time the boy gets within a few feet of the Hetherington canine there is a bark- ing barrage. A peculiar thing about the dog, however, is that he wags his tail as he barks “Don't be afraid of the dog, Bud,” Mr. Hetherington said to the boy. “He won't bite you. Don’t you see that he wags his tail while he barks!” “Yes, suh. Ah do notice that, Mistah Fred,” the boy replied. ‘Trouble is, Ah doan’ know which end of him to believe!"—Indianapolis News “Why are you crying so, little man?” “My sister's cat died to-day.” “How sweet! And did you love your sister's cat so dearly?” “Naw. But paw gimme a lickin’ fer throwin’ it in the well.”"—American Legion Weekly. We greatly admire woman. She is, according to our notion, the finest scenery. But until she learns to man- age her hired girl, we doubt that the supremacy of men in affairs is going to be seriously threatened. Suffrage, we shall add, is working out about as we thought it would. It is making men everywhere blush for their sex.— Philadelphia Ledger. The Youngster—Please, when you start your machine again, will you It's got away!—Passing Show (London). There cre three-year-old children in Mexico now who war.—New “Congressmen kind of needs coaxin’ and flat'ry. They're right ornery crit- ters. I heard an argyment atween a feller and a hoss and a feller with a mule onct. The mule feller was kind of uppish about hosses; said he didn’t see the advantage of the critter. A mule now was steady and easy fed and strong. Well, ma’am, the hoss feller got kind of hot after some of this, so he says, ‘Well, sir,’ he says, ‘there's this about it. When you got a hoss, you got a hoss. You know what you got. He's goin’ to act like a hoss. But when you got a mule—why, you can’t never tell. All of a sudden, one of these days, he’s like as not to turn into a congressman.’ "—From “Hidden Creek,” by Katharine Newlin Burt. Prospective Son-in-law—I hope, sir, that you will consider me in the nature of an investment, even though I may not be able to pay regular dividends. Girl's Father—That’s all right, my boy, I shall be satisfied if you don't levy regular assessments on me.—Bos- ton Transcript. have never seen a York Tribune. Fa bad tomer? hy do you always put a sheet of white paper in front of that cus- Ae ecause otherwise I should have a hard job to scrub his poems off the table!"—Meggendorfer Blaetter (Munich) comicbooks.com