Judge — May 27, 1922 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORI best. THE WINNER OMELY, white-haired Mrs. King entered the car, and sat down be- side querulous old Mr. Mason. The grouchy old fellow glared at her for an instant; then, leaning toward an acquaintance in the seat ahead, mut- tered: “Never can ride downtown any more without some old woman sitting down beside me.” “Oh, well, foxy grandpa,” humor- ously retorted Mrs. King, “you don't look so young! Anyway, this was not my choice of seats, as I’d much prefer sitting beside a younger man.” As the old man left the car, a spark of gallantry as well as a sense of humor, seemed to come to life. Turning to his hitherto unwelcome companion, he lifted his hat, smiled faintly, and murmured: “Grandma, you win.” HE WON Casey was before the judge again on the same old charge—intoxication. “What is your excuse this time?” asked the judge. “It was a bet, sor.” “A bet?” “Yis,” answered Casey. “I bet Reagen I cud aither drink a pint of whisky or let it alone, just as I pleased. He bet I cudn’ “And you lost?” said the judge. “No, I won. I decided I'd drink it.” The Last Straw. All others at regular rates. ES T O Original, unpublished humorous SILLY ASSES Blacksmith blacking in preparation for his day’s smithing. TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second stories only are wanted Second Prize WITH AND WITHOUT Two sons of Ham were watching an aviator doing stunts. He looped the loop, did the nose-dive, and was really proficient in his performances. Looking up and shaking his head, Lige remarked: “Dat man is sho’ doin’ dan’gus doins’, I'd rutheh it wus him ’an me. An’ I'll tell yo’ what, nig- ger, I sho’ would hate to be up dar wif him, wouldn't yo’, Mose?” “I sho’ would, Lige; but let me tell yo’ som’pn else, blackman, I ceh’tenly wouldn't want to be up dah widout him.” FAIR ENOUGH Two darkies in South Carolina were dickering on the sale of a mule. “How much'll you take fo’ mule, brother?” inquired the first. “Ah’ll sell you dat mule so cheap dat you'll feel lahk a hoss thief!” dat WHAT IT WAS The Easterner on a San Francisco Bay ferryboat pointed to a blotch on the water in the distance as it rose and fell with the tide. “What's that?” he inquired. The regular commuter followed the direction of his finger. “Hawaiian un- derwear,” he replied. The Easterner turned a puzzled gaze on him, so the commuter explained: “Seaweed.” First Prize A STOIC It was in the little but over- crowded classroom of an East side New York public school. The teacher looked out upon a group of eager faces as she put the ques- tion: “And now, children, can any of you tell me what is a stoic?” Only one hand went up. “Does only Abie Glutz know what a stoic is?” Silence. “Well, Abie, tell your classmates what is a stoic?” “Please, teacher,” said Abie tri- umphantly. “A stoic is a boid what bring it th’ babies.” The Kick.