Judge — May 20, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of Two beggar women met on the street the other day. “Fine coat you've got there. Where did you land it?” said the first one. “Old Mrs. Gobsa Golde gave it to me,” said the second beggar woman. “Is that so? I've begged at Mrs. Gobsa Golde’s a hundred times and she never gave me a cent. How did you work her?” “Well, you see,” said the first beggar woman, stroking her new coat com- placently, “I didn’t tell her I was beg- ging for myself. I pretended I was begging for the heathen.”—Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. A West Dallas widow says the latest proposal she has received was from a public school principal, who said he wanted a quiet home in the suburbs, where he would have to listen to only one woman at a time.—Dallas News. A Rochester authority claims that the average sirloin steak travels three thousand miles back and forth across the continent before it reaches the table of the consumer. And even then, when you grapple it for a fight to the finish, you find that it is not the least bit tired—Detroit News. | Pane — “In future, Justin, I will do without your services. For example: I will smoke my cigars and drink my wine myself.”"—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). THE VILLAGE SOCIAL “Can you reverse?” “No, ma’am—I be a gardener —not a chauffeur.” — Londoa Opinion. . A man who was a stranger to the usual throng stepped up to the ma- hogany, ordered a New Orleans fizz, and, reaching in his pocket, pulled forth a live toad and placed it on the bar. “For the love of Mike,” yelled the man next to him. “Why the toad?” “That toad plays a star part in a system that I have used for many years with great success,” replied the man. “Spring it,” shouted the mob. “Well, you see, J take my little friend toad and place him on the ma- hogany in front of me and order my drink. I take my drink and then I order another, and sometimes another, and perhaps then another. I look at my toad, and if there is only one toad there I stay and enjoy a few more rounds. As soon as there are two toads there instead of one I go home. I have never stayed until there were three. That’s my system. Well, I don’t mind if I do. A little more of the same, please.’—Philadelphia Rec- ord. We tire of reading about girls with perfect limbs, adorable backs, tiny feet, beautiful arms and other physical at- tractions. Does anybody know one who can bake a good pie?—Columbus Dispatch. the World’s Humor | A marcelle was one student's delight, But each morning she looked very white, When her friends asked her why, She was heard to reply, I have slept on the waves every night. -—Vassar Miscellany News. “Crimson Gulch isn’t improving as fast as I thought it would.” “The town is kind o’ held back by pride and patriotism,” replied Cactus Joe. “Anybody who'd venture to hint that Crimson Gulch needs any im- provements would immediately be so unpopular that he’d lose his influence.” —Washington Star. “IT am now in communication with Cleopatra,” said the medium, dreamily. “Does anyone wish to converse with Cleopatra?” “Gosh, I'd like to!” exclaimed a little man in the rear of the darkened room, “but the minute I got home my wife would know I'd been up to some thing.”"—Birmingham Age-Herald. WHERE THERE'S A WILL— (The L. C. C. have decided that children under sixteen may not choose their own kinema enter- tainments unless they take their parents with them.) Why father couldn't find his hat, coat and stick.—Passing Show (London).