Judge, 1922-05-20 · page 12 of 36
Judge — May 20, 1922 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Stories to Tell Page Analysis This is a humor page from *Judge* magazine featuring three prize-winning short stories submitted by readers. **"A Shrewd Sale"** plays on Scottish dialect stereotypes—Sandy McGregor refuses to sell his dog to a wealthy American but accepts less money from a Londoner because the dog "couldna swim the Atlantic," implying he'd lose it anyway. **"Only One Ship"** references WWI. A German officer interrogates an American soldier about troop transport, expecting a complex answer. The soldier jokes that only one ship brought three million troops—the *Lusitania*, the British ocean liner torpedoed by Germans in 1915 with heavy loss of life. The dark humor inverts the tragedy into absurdist comeuppance. **"Friendly Flies"** features a Jewish immigrant store owner (Sam Cohan) using dots instead of dollar signs to mark prices. His son Abie misinterprets four dots as twelve dots, accidentally overcharging—but this benefits the father, prompting his grateful exclamation about "de flies" (a phonetic Jewish-dialect joke). These stories reflect period stereotypes: Scottish, German, and Jewish immigrant characters rendered through exaggerated dialect.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
S T O RIES T O TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. best. A SHREWD SALE SANDY McGREGOR was a broad and brawny Scot of highland fame. He was in London, and with him his trusty dog, Jock, of which he was very proud. He had many tempting offers for Jock, but could not find heart to let him go, saying: “I could never part with him.” An influential American met him one morning and offered him a large sum for the dog. And when Sandy shook his head, the buyer doubled his first offer. But still Sandy said, “I couldna part wi’ him.” Later in the day a Londoner offered him much less, and was promptly ac- cepted. The American, meeting him shortly after, said: “I thought you told me you would not sell the dog, and you have sold him for much less than I offered you.” “Na,” said Sandy, “I said I couldna’ part wi’ him. Ye ken, Jock couldna’ swim the Atlantic!” TAKING A WARNING Learning that his wife was at a moving picture performance with another man, Smith rushed to the theater and appealed to the manager for assistance. The latter, being quite a diplomat, came upon the stage and made the following announcement: “There is present in this audience a man with somebody else's wife. I desire to avoid scandal and will per- mit this couple to leave quietly when the theater is darkened.” The lights were put out. couples left the theater. Fifteen All others at regular rates For the Well Dressed Man RENALSSANCE TROUSERS DEVELOPED IN PLUSH THEY ARE HELD CAPTIVE BY VELVET RIBBONS An THE COLOR IS OLD GRAVY. man. “Oh! us.” First Prize ONLY ONE SHIP An American doughboy, cap- tive to a Boche officer, was ques- tioned: “How many of you American soldiers are there on this side of the Atlantic?” queried the Ger- About three million of “It must have taken a lot of ships we knew nothing about to bring all of you over, didn't it?” “Oh, no; only one ship brought us over!” “Only one! what one was that?” “The Lusitania.” Being a Impossible! And Second Prize FRIENDLY FLIES foreigner, Sam_ Cohan found it a task to write signs for the windows of his department store. At last he hit upon an idea, and instead of writing the amount of an article in dollars, he simply put down a dot For instance, one dot (. ) meant one dollar; two dots, two dollars, etc. One day he left his son, Abie, to take care of the store while he went to lunch. When he returned he noticed a pair ot trousers had been sold from the window which had been marked four dollars. He immedi- ately went to the cash register, and to his surprise found that twelve dollars had been put in. “Abie,” he called excitedly, “what else did you sell?” “Nuttin’,” replied the worthy son “But my son, Abie,” replied the father, “the pcnts dey were marked four dollars, here is twelve.” “No, father, they were twelve dots.” Sam Cohan rubbed his hands for several seconds, and then his face brightened, and, folding his hands, he cried: “God bless de flies!” marked IMPRESSIVE LANGUAGE A lady in a college town was try- ing to interest her young negro gar- dener in higher education. He lis- tened to her flights of fancy in open- mouthed wonderment. The next day he delighted her by asking for the loan of a dictionary. “Why, certainly, Nero,” she said; “but what do you want it for?” “Well, missus, I see my best gal out with a feller last night, and I’se gwine tuh write her a letter, and Ise gwine to use some big words.” “Pinch Bottle.” comicbooks.com