Judge — May 13, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

her her, him hed, mate hand i) - ling, t? ind- fon dy, )— eat 1g? ch om Told at the Nineteenth Hole AN EXCEPTION | ACK knew everything, and would | proceed at once with an explanatory i monologue. There was nothing that } you could stick him on. One day, | when Jack, having finished telling the | crowd the facts about some discussed affair, Joe, who had been listening very quietly, called over: “Say, Jack, ) do you know anything about golf?” “No, I don't know a darn thing about golf.” Joe turned to the rest of the crowd. ‘Say, fellows, let’s talk about golf.” A FALSE ALARM A group of eight men worked to- gether in a business office, and when business moved slowly delighted in playing pranks on one another. One day Mr. Smith displayed a new alarm clock he had just bought. When he was not noticing them his com- panions untied his package, set the alarm to ring at 5.05 P.M. (he always left the office at 5.00 P.M.), and again wrapped the alarm among the collars and other articles its owner had purchased. True to custom, Mr. Smith left the office at 5.00 P.M., dashed for the street car, and had just settled him- self when off goes Mr. Alarm Clock. Mr. Smith was frantic, and began fuss- ing and fumbling with the strings around his package, while everyone in the car turned around to see what was going on. By this time the alarm stopped ringing, and Mr. Smith, mop- ping the perspiration from his brow, sank back in relief. However, he had forgotten that his alarm was intermit- tent, and in another second off it went again. This brought another volley of stares from the car’s occupants, and a small urchin across the aisle tittered and said: “You got an alarm clock, hain’t you, mister?” This was too much for Mr. Smith, who tucked his offending package under his arm, tore up the aisle, and jumped off the car, amid shouts of laughter. “Parting is PUTTING TROWSERS ~ FoR BENDING OVER THE GREEN THE HILLSIDE SUITED TO A “TEE” Some of the new season’s golfing novelties. A WARM NICKEL A lad had received a nickel for going to the store, and after playing with it for a while he asked: “What shall I do with this nickel, pop?” “Is it burning your pocket?” The boy hesitated a moment, and then answered, “No, but it’s making my hand sweat!” ACCIDENTAL The average sportsman has little praise to expect from the gamekeeper. One day a keeper was hunting with a gentleman, who invariably missed everything he aimed at. A pheasant flew up, the sportsman blazed away, some feathers flew, and he exclaimed in natural exultation: “I hit him that time, and no mistake!” _ “Aye, aye, sir. They will fly into it sometimes. TOO LATE IN THE DAY A woman and her small son were passing a candy store !ate one after- noon, when the boy noticed a window in which a heap of all-day suckers were on display. “Oh, mamma!” cried want an all-day sucker!” Catching him firmly by the hand, she dragged him away from the win- dow, saying: “Robert, you must not tease mother like that. What do you want of an all-day sucker at four o'clock in the afternoon?” the boy, “I