Judge — April 22, 1922 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Golf Balls and Divorce By Edmund Gilligan "Te SAGACIOUS people, the cries of reformers for a national divorce law, a common standard to measure the legality of divorce decrees, is like putting the cart before the horse, a highly illogical performance. Reformers seek to rid the country of an effect without regard to the cause. They lay the increasing num- ber of divorces to prohibition, to short skirts, to long skirts, to motor cars, and lack of motor cars, to urban life and to suburban dullness. All are equally fatuous reasons, and all equally distant from the true reason for the alimony-grinding di- vorce mill. So comes the demand for a divorce law which will make Nevada as un- wholesome as any other State for those who would legalize the freedom of their fancies. Reformers have failed. They over- look the real reason for the popularity of the divorce court. The truth is that the number of divorces has increased in direct pro- portion to the number of golf balls manufactured and imported. The stream of golf balls turns the wheel of the divorce mill. Golf is at the bottom of the divorce evil, for golfers are making the enor- mous error of marrying girls who do not play the game. Some wise people know this. Girls’ schools are looking with favor on a thorough course in golf, and the fash- ionable finishing-schools hesitate to pronounce a flapper satisfactorily fin- ished unless she plays golf well. However, these steps toward com- plete congestion of golf courses will never lessen the stream of divorces. The cure is obvious. Matrimony for golfers must be placed on a new basis. And the new basis should be a new marriage cere- mony. The questions and responses should be formed something like this: “Do you take this woman for your lawful, wedded wife?” “What’s her handicap?” “Twelve.” “T'll take her.” The bride should be compelled to show that she has played golf at least four times a week for two years. She should promise to invite none but golfers to dinner. She should swear that she will mention nothing but golf to her husband, and promise to co- operate in bringing up her children to be golfers. As a finishing touch to the cere- mony, the wed- ded pair sliould march from the altar to a Scotch tune. There is reason to believe that Mendelssohn Blunder over there. to be. charged. markable woman, Wonderful personality! Absolutely magnetic! His Wife—Um! Everything she has on is never swung a mashie. They should march out of the church with the men guests at salute with uplifted golf clubs. The minister’s fee should be paid in golf balls, and the honeymoon should be spent at a sporty eighteen- hole course. Then there could be no doubt of a merry married life. SHE VOTES. A farmerette: A chip of the old bloc. (enthusiastically) — Re- that Mrs. Slasher It certainly ought