Judge — April 15, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by RENE CLARKE. Here you are. Two days in one. No game wardens. Try it on your water hazard. TOLD AT THE NINETEENTH HOLE ONE VIEWPOINT A caddie, popular with members of a Canadian golf club, was run over by a street car and lost a leg. His hos- pital expenses were met by some of his former employers, who, after his recovery, provided him with an arti- ficial limb. The lad also secured dam- ages amounting to two hundred dollars. Speaking of the accident to one of the other caddies, a member remarked: “It was an awful thing to happen to a boy!” “Aw, I dunno,” dourly. “Surely you wouldn't like to be in his place. No more golf, no swimming, no games like you other boys play?” “Well, he got two hundred bucks, didn’t he?” protested the boy. “Certainly he did, but that wouldn't begin to compensate anyone for the loss of a limb.” “Aw, I dunno, anyway he wouldn’t have got that if it hadn’t been for my father. He was the motorman.” TWO IS COMPANY Jabez Dumpey, whose middle name might well have been Indolence, had been making a few anemic attempts at locating work in the city adjoining the town in which his family resided, when his long-suffering wife wrote to him informing him in appealing lines replied the lad, that, unless he came to her assistance with money and provisions, she would be forced to go to the poorhouse. Came a thin little missive from Jabez, three days later, with the fol- lowing reply: “If you'll wait until I make enough money to buy a railway ticket, I'll come home and go to the poorhouse with you, Martha.” WILDCATTERS An oil promoter was trying to gain admission into Heaven, but Saint Peter refused, saying that the oil men he had inside at present gave him more trouble than everyone else. The would-be angel made a proposition that he would get rid of all the other oil men in Heaven if he be allowed to remain. He was admitted on these terms. In a very short time all the oil men came up to the gate and asked to be let out, and they were immedi- ately given their freedom. When Saint Peter saw the man who had man- aged to get all of the promoters out he asked him how it had been accom- plished. “Well, I just whispered around that a wildcat well had been struck in Hell. And you had better let me out. With all that bunch prospecting around down there they might strike something and I wouldn’t have any leases.” 6 ‘to town by train. Combine the delights of angling with your golf. No wet feet. AN EMBARRASSING SITUATION A certain man is in the habit of dispensing with a waistcoat whether it be summer or winter. During a cold day last winter he was traveling Seated in the same compartment was a small boy, evi- dently much interested in the man’s unusual attire. At last the child’s curiosity prevailed, and he asked his father: “Daddy, is that man going to play cricket?” There came an admonition and a whispered explanation, and then the innocent inquiry: “Daddy, what is a silly ass?” THE QUICK AND THE DEAD A widow, who had literally nagged to death her husband during their mar- ried life, was heartsore with regrets. Finally she went to a medium and begged to be connected with Henry’s spirit so she could ask forgiveness. The medium got him, and the conver- sation between the quick and the dead was as follows: “Ts that you, ’Enry?” “Yes, ’Arriet, it’s me.” “Are you ’appy, ’Enry?” “Yes, ’Arriet.” “*Appier than when with me, ’Enry?” “Oh, much ’appier, ’Arriet.” “Where are you, ’Enry?” “Tn ‘ell, "Arriet.”