Judge, 1922-04-08 · page 8 of 36
Judge — April 8, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Told at the Nineteenth Hole" — Judge Magazine This page collects humorous anecdotes tied to the "nineteenth hole" (the bar at a golf club), a common framing device for Judge's joke compilations. The main cartoon depicts a golfer mid-swing. The accompanying product description, "The Detonator," satirizes forgetful golfers by describing a fake golf-stick attachment that produces loud noise "whether one hits the ball or not; especially loud if one doesn't"—mocking golfers who make poor shots and need audible excuses. The text stories are genteel domestic humor typical of early 20th-century magazines: a child innocently reveals his father kissed a visiting lady, a traveler accidentally eats an invalid's meal, and soldiers/farmers tell jokes about misunderstandings. The humor relies on unexpected twists and mild social embarrassment rather than satire. The "Hard of Hearing" fragment suggests a story about miscommunication—typical of the period's gentle, family-friendly comedy content. No overt political satire is present on this page.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Told at the Nineteenth Hole IN DADDY’S OFFICE LITLE Jackie had spent several hours of the afternoon at the office of his father, who was a lawyer. Inthe evening at the diner table he gave a spirited account of the various things that happened, and among others he described how a “pitty lady” who called on daddy had given him a piece of candy. As he apparently had no intention of saying anything more on that subject, his father prompted him with the ques- tion: “And what did you give the lady when she gave you the candy?” After a little urging, Jackie replied, in disgust: “Oh, a kiss.” “A kiss!” exclaimed his aunt. “Then, after that, didn’t she give you another piece of candy?” “Uh-huh!” answered the youngster, “two.” “Two?” now interjected his mother. “Surely, then, Jackie, you gave her another kiss, didn’t you?” Jackie hesitated a moment, shaking his head, then answered: “No, but daddy did.” NO MISFORTUNE In a small town hotel, the food not being tempting to a guest recuperating from illness, he purchased a milk-fed spring chicken, the proprietor of the hotel agreeing that his cook should broil the chicken for the invalid. The waiter brought the chicken, and returned for biscuits and coffee just at the moment when a belated traveling man came into the dining-room. See- ing the chicken, he concluded it had been served for him, so immediately proceeded to help himself. When he had consumed most of both chicken and gravy, the waiter returned and said: “Lawdy mister, that am a private dish what you is done got into!” “My! This is unfortunate,” said the traveler. “Good Gawd!” said the waiter. “Yo’ says yo’ am unfortunate when yo’ is done eat half the man’s chicken and all the gravy!” IMPERSONATION In pioneer days, in Washington, the owner of a wagon and yoke of oxen lent them to a minister to bring sup- plies from Spokane. When the min- ister came back the lender went to help unyoke and put away theteam. “Thank you for the use of your team,” said the minister, “but I will never borrow them again. Somewhat nettled, the lender said: “What the hell is hurting you?” “Well,” was the reply, “we got along all right going to town and coming back, until we came to that little hill on the road. There the oxen balked and would not move a step until I talked to them just the way you do.” A SMILE “Hello, bunky! How’s chances for a little smile?” asked Private Kelly, as he stepped into the squad room and saw his bosom friend, Private Poke, on the point of taking his morning's morning sub rosa. Caught with the goods, Private Poke couldn’t well refuse his friend. So, glumly and without a word, he handed over his full bottle of Old Scotch, and his friend tipped it up and drank and drank and drank—and at each gurgle Private Poke’s eyes grew larger and larger. When his friend returned the bottle, Private Poke held it up to the light and woefully inspected the re- maining ounce or two, remarking: “If ya call that a smile, buddy, I'd hate to hear ya laugh!” 6 “THE DETONATOR” A small attachment which may be fitted to any golf stick. Produces a distinctly audible re- port whether one hits the ball or not; especially loud if one doesn't. Enables one’s partner to lend ma- terial aid in keeping one’s scores. A great favorite with conscien- tious but forgetful golfers. HARD OF HEARING A farmer’s wife had given a party. During the night two farmhands who lived in the house grew hungry for the good things in the pantry. Rising from bed, they crept downstairs, but unfortunately the mistress heard them. One heard her coming and escaped; the other was caught redhanded. Afterwards, the more fortunate one remarked to the unlucky one: “Didn't you ’ear ’er comin’, Bill?” “"Ow could I?” he replied, “with me mouth full of meat!” GOOD MEDICINE “Say, boss,” queried an old darkey at a drug store, “kin yo’ gimme me somethin’ dat’ll make a mule go?” “Sure, Jim. Just try a little tur- pentine.” Five minutes later Jim returned “What's the matter?” asked the drug- gist; “didn’t he go all right?” “Sho’ he go all right—but now caynt yo’ gimme somethin’ to make him come back?”