Judge — April 1, 1922 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

la i i aa —_—— “A Fool There Was” By George Mitchell "Twas April first—prophetic night We stood beneath the pale moon's light I held your hand, my heart beat high You snuggled closely—so did I And then—as my young ardor grew— Emboldened, I proposed to you And you, in answer to my hope, Suggested that we might elope. You went indoors to pack your things Ah, how my memory still clings To those long hours I spent a-waiting Just below your lattice grating Till, tortured lest all was not well, I scaled the wall and rang your bell To learn with bitter, sick’ning dread , That you, long since, had gone to bed. ‘Twas April first, ah, cruel fate! I then recalled the day and date And questioned: was I Fortune’s tool— An April, or just plain damn fool? JUST SO “Why were you exceeding the speed limit?” “Judge, I was taking a visiting friend to the station.” “Guess I can’t fine you, then. We are told to speed the parting guest.” "iN ABT So Very Deadly By Katherine Negley THE Department Head was very exacting about details, no mistake ever escaped him, and the employees under him either obeyed him im- plicitly or found work elsewhere. His favorite recreation was his garden. He thought the onion bed should be in the south- west corner of the gar- den, while his wife thought it should be in the center. It was in the center every year. The Prosecuting Attorney was noted for his keen mind. Criminals pre- pared for a long sentence when they knew he was on their trail, and wit- nesses lost their heads and blundered sadly in their testimony when he cross- questioned them. He liked a cigar after dinner, in the living-room, but his wife was not going to have the curtains smell of smoke. He smoked on the veranda. The Writer was of a shy, retiring nature and postively refused to see his many admirers, but when his wife de- cided on a church wedding for their daughter he gave the bride away, though he would have forfeited the royalty from his last book to escape. The Burglar sighed re- gretfully and did not go into the last bedroom of the house he was robbing. It was three in the morn- ing, and his wife was nervous if he did not get in before four o'clock. Not that there was any danger of his being caught. He knew the game too well for that The idea of the bulls gettin’ him! The very idea! The Corporation President held the fate of nations in his hands, the stock ticker ticked according to his instruc- tions, and his contemporaries in busi- ness looked upon him with awe. He enjoyed his cigar, his cellar, his slip- pers and his newspaper in the evening; but his wife enjoyed society, and they went out every night. And everyone of them had married such dainty, innocent and _ blushing brides! We've never seen any “Welcome” mats around cellar doors! “Well, Mac, they say they’re going to have prohibition in Scotland?” “Dinna wurra, sor-r. Whin that happens there’ll be a braw snawstorm in Hades!” 3 comicbooks.com