Judge — April 1, 1922 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Otay Jones, the susceptible, listens to a vivid description of a trip to Cuba. AN INVITATION An autoist, after being held up by highwaymen, beaten, robbed and left along the roadside, upon recovering from his experience, found himself sit- ting opposite a sign which the Board of Trade from a nearby town had put up and which read: .“Thank you—-Come Again.” BARTER A family of darkies lived just across the road from a country store in Vir- ginia and were accustomed to trade their scanty farm produce for groceries. One day little black Jim came into thestoresome- what earlier than was his wont and asked for “a egg’s worth of tea.” Smilingly the merchant filled a dimin- utive bag and All others at regular rates. IF HE HAD A MILLION Joe Brown was the colored porter at a little bank in Southern Kansas. One spring day he rested on his broom and looked outdoors where Nature beck- oned him down to the river where he might doze and wait for a catfish nibble on his line. “Gee, boss,” he declared fer- vently, “I suttinly do wisht Ah had a million dollahs!” “A million dollars, Joe?” the cashier said, smiling. “What would you do with a million dol- lars?” “Ah'd buy me some pigs and make me some money.” HIS ESCAPE The grateful citizens had purchased and furnished a club house for the local American Legion. At the formal opening a group of doughboys were discussing the benefits derived from service in the Army. One tall, sturdy chap said: “When I enlisted I was stoop-shouldered, flat- chested, and as thin as a rail. Look at me now!” Said another: “Well, boys, the trip across was worth ten thousand a year to me. When I enlisted, I was en- gaged to be married. Three weeks after our outfit sailed for France, the girl married another fellow. Before I returned to the States she had been granted a divorce and ten thousand dollars a year alimony. Just suppose I had remained at home and married her. Wouldn't I have a heluva time trying to raise that much money every year?” OPPORTUNITY: Where there’s a will—there’s a chance STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. Original, unpublished humorous stories only are desired. First Prize WHAT HE WANTED A Swede entered the office of a lawyer at McPherson, Kansas, and inquired: “Ees das bane lawyer's place “Yes, my friend. do for you?” “Ay tank Ay want some papers made. Ay buy me farm from Nels Petersen, and Ay tank Ay want a mortgage.” “If you have bought a farm, what you want is a warranty deed, not a mortgage.” “No, Ay tank not. Ay buy me farm in Dakoty, and take deed, but purty soon long come man with mortgage, and he take farm. This time Ay tank Ay take mortgage.” What can I Second Prize PAYING IN ADVANCE An autoist who had the habit of driv- ing somewhat faster than the law al- lowed was haled before a local justice who imposed a fine of fifteen dollars. The autoist drew a roll of bills and laid a sum of money on the desk and started to leave the room. “Here!” the justice called. “There are thirty dollars here.” “That’s all right. Keep it. I am go- ing out of town faster than I came in.” MAKING SURE OF SUCCESS A young graduate in law wrote to a prominent practitioner in Dallas, Texas, to inquire what chance there was in that section. “Iam of something doing. a Republican — in politics,” he wrote, “and an honest young lawyer.” In a few days he re- ceived this re- ply: “If you are a Repub- held out his lican the game hand for his laws here will pay. protect you, “Oh!” said and if you are the —embar- = an honest rassed boy, This humble but and decided to and got so proficient famous juggler, and now [lawyer you “de hen ain’ wide-awake waiter pursue him, in the art of balancing earns as much as you and Will have no laid yet.” spied Opportunity that he became a us put together. competition.” 1 comicbooks.com