Judge — March 18, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

He—I shan't be satisfied until I come first in your affections. She—First! I never heard such nerve! You'll be lucky if you get a place!—London Mail. An elderly woman was rich, but mean. She didn’t keep a cat because its paws might wear out the carpet. She had to have servants, but she paid them as little as possible. One of her staff was a thin, miserable-look- ing lad of twelve, who answered the door, cleaned the knives, waited at table, weeded the garden, washed the poodle, and had the rest of the time to himself. One visitor asked him, “Well, my boy, what do you do here?” “I do a butler and a gardener out of a job,” replied the lad, sourly.—Los Angeles Times. There had been a missionary sermon and collection in the church. A little girl who had been there seemed per- plexed and thoughtful. When she veached home she asked her mother whether the people of Africa, of whom she heard, wore clothes. “No,” replied the mother. “Then,” said the child, “wha: is the use of the button that father put on _ the plate?”—Edinburgh Scotsman. A woman had seen three husbands buried. She met an old admirer, and they visited the cemetery together. “Ah,” she said, “if only you had more courage you might have been among them.”—Tit-Bits (London). Our subscriber at Noah’s, Ark., wants to know whether, if Japan is allowed to keep the battleship Mutsu, Uncle Sam will be allowed to build a Jeffsu—Arkansas Gazette. Jud Tunkins says he notices the man who talks about the good old days is just as partial to taxicabs and electric lights and motion pictures as anybody. —Washington Star. A minister told the story of a strap- ping fellow who brought his demure young bride to the manse for matri- monial purposes. “According to my custom, I turned to the bridegroom at a certain part of the ceremony and said, ‘John, this is your lawfully wedded wife.’ “In the excitement of the occasion John turned in the direction of his newly-acquired partner and st. mered, ‘I’m pleased to meet you.’™. Boston Globe. The same young woman who turns on the porch light, before marriage, so that her “sweetie” won’t slip and fall, turns off the hall light, after mar- riage, to see if he will stumble on the stairs.—St. Thomas Times-Journal. A jobber advertises that he has something interesting in silk stockings. Nearly everything in silk stockings is interesting.—Baltimore Sun. For several minutes the ailing woman had talked steadily and clearly, while the doctor stood by, listening carefully. Then the latter looked at his watch with visible impatience, but managed to say politely: “Pardon me, madam, but my time is not my own. I have about a dozen patients waiting to see me. You have given me all your symptoms in full detail, and perhaps you will—er— kindly ———”” He hesitated, but the patient’s hus- band came to the rescue. “Maria,” he said, more plainly than politely, “he doesn’t want to hear your tongue any more. He wants to look at it.’—Chicago Herald. Mrs. Hiram Offun—But I don’t wish my washing done in the house. Why can’t you take it home and do it? Cindy, the Laundress—For the sake of appearances, ma’am. If my neigh- bors should see your clothes on my line they might think they were mine.” —Houston Post. Indignant Foreman— Ere, what’s all this sky-larking? — Passing Show (London). 27 comicbooks.com