Judge — February 25, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“I understand your cook has left.” “Yes,” replied Mr. Chuggins, “we tried to show her every kindness, but she says the way I drive a car makes her nervous.”"—Washington Star. Mrs. Uppish—Did any of your ances- tors do things to cause posterity to re- member them? Farmer Blunt—I reckon they did, ma’am. My grandfather put mortgages on this place that ain’t paid off yet.— Detroit Free Press. Old Riley Rezzidew—I reckon I'd be every bit as good a man as our pastor if I wore my Sunday clothes every day.—Kansas City Star The Dub—Well, I went around the course the next day in 86. The Expert—You don't What clubs did you use? “Clubs? I used a trench mortar, a billiard cue and a whisk broom.”— Detroit News. tell me! Bachelor—A girl no longer marries a man for better or worse His Friend—Indeed! “No; she marries him for more or less." —Answers, London. —__| “See there, that is the house of the commune which just made us frame up the Third Internationale with Mos- cow!” “Oh, indeed! But I don't care especially for the windows."—Le Rire (Paris). Little Boy—lIt’s hard, very hard. Mother—What's hard, dear? “Why, Jimmy Jones next door spits down on me, and it’s so hard to spit up!”"—London Mail 24 “What caused the trouble between Cain and Abel?” “I'm not sure, but the scarcity of members of the gentler sex indicates that they couldn’t have had any dif- ference over a woman."—New York Sun. “What is the secret of success?” asked the Sphinx. “Push,” said the Button. “Never be led,” said the Pencil. “Take pains,” said the Window. “Always keep cool,” said the Ice. “Be up to date,” said the Calendar. “Never lose your head,” said the Match. “Make light of your troubles,” said the Fire. “Do a Hammer. “Don't be merely one of the hands,” said the Clock “Aspire to greater things,” said the Nutmeg. “Be sharp in all your dealings,” said the Knife. “Find a good thing and stick to it,” said the Stamp. “Do the work you are suited for,” said the Chimney.—Southern Masonic Journal. driving business,” said the comicbooks.com